III
It was the ninth of August. Nell Vereker turned out of Paddington station and walked slowly down towards the park. Four-wheelers passed her with old ladies in them laden with many hams. Staring placards were flaunted at every street corner. In every shop was a queue of people anxious to buy commodities.
Nell had said to herself many times: тАЬWeтАЩre at warтБатАФactually at war,тАЭ and had not been able to believe it. Today, for the first time, it seemed to come home to her. A train journey where the ticket office refused to change a five pound note had proved the turning point. Ridiculous, but there it was.
A taxi passed and Nell hailed it. She got in, giving the address of JaneтАЩs flat in Chelsea. She glanced at her watch. It was just half-past ten. No fear that Jane would be out so early.
Nell went up in the lift and stood outside the door, having rung the bell. Her heart was beating nervously. In another minute the door would open. Her small face grew white and strained. Ah! now the door was opening. She and Jane were face to face.
She thought Jane started a littleтБатАФthat was all.
тАЬOh!тАЭ she said. тАЬItтАЩs you.тАЭ
тАЬYes,тАЭ said Nell. тАЬMay I come in, please?тАЭ
It seemed to her that Jane hesitated a minute before drawing back to let her enter. She retreated into the hall, shut a door at the far end and then drew open the sitting-room door for Nell to pass in. She followed her, closing the door behind her.
тАЬWell?тАЭ
тАЬJane, IтАЩve come to ask you if you know where Vernon is?тАЭ
тАЬVernon?тАЭ
тАЬYes. I went to his roomsтБатАФyesterday. HeтАЩs left. The woman there didnтАЩt know where heтАЩd gone. She said his letters were forwarded to you. I went home and wrote to you asking for his address. Then I was afraid you wouldnтАЩt tell me, wouldnтАЩt even answer, perhaps, and I thought IтАЩd come instead.тАЭ
тАЬI see.тАЭ
The tone was noncommittal, unhelpful. Nell hurried on.
тАЬI was sure youтАЩd know where he was. You do, donтАЩt you?тАЭ
тАЬYes, I know.тАЭ
A slow answer, unnecessarily slow, Nell thought. Either Jane knew or she didnтАЩt.
тАЬWell, then?тАЭ
Again a pause. Then Jane said:
тАЬWhy do you want to see Vernon, Nell?тАЭ
Nell raised a white face.
тАЬBecause IтАЩve been such a beastтБатАФsuch a beast! I see it nowтБатАФnow that this awful war has come. I was such a miserable coward. I hate myselfтБатАФsimply hate myself. Just because George was kind and good andтБатАФyes, rich! Oh, Jane, how you must despise me. I know you do. YouтАЩre quite right to despise me. Somehow this war has made everything clearтБатАФdonтАЩt you find that?тАЭ
тАЬNot particularly. There have been wars before and there will be wars again. They donтАЩt really alter anything underneath, you know.тАЭ
Nell was not paying attention.
тАЬItтАЩs wicked to do anything except marry the man you love. I do love Vernon. I always knew I loved him, but I just hadnтАЩt the courage.тБатАКтБатАж Oh, Jane, do you think itтАЩs too late? Perhaps it is. Perhaps he wonтАЩt want me now. But I must see him. Even if he doesnтАЩt want me, I must tell him.тАЭ
She stood there looking piteously up at Jane. Would Jane help her? If not, she must try SebastianтБатАФbut she was afraid of Sebastian. He might refuse flatly to do anything.
тАЬI could get hold of him for you,тАЭ said Jane slowly, after a minute or two.
тАЬOh, thank you, Jane. And JaneтБатАФtell meтБатАФthe war?тАЭ
тАЬHeтАЩs applied to join up, if thatтАЩs what you mean.тАЭ
тАЬYes. Oh! itтАЩs dreadfulтБатАФif he should be killed. But it canтАЩt last long. ItтАЩll be over by ChristmasтБатАФeverybody says so.тАЭ
тАЬSebastian says it will last two years.тАЭ
тАЬOh, but Sebastian canтАЩt know. HeтАЩs not really English. HeтАЩs Russian.тАЭ
Jane shook her head. Then she said: тАЬIтАЩll go andтБатАФтАЭ she pausedтБатАФтАЬtelephone. Wait here.тАЭ
She went out, closing the door behind her. She went to the end of the passage and into the bedroom. Vernon raised a dark rumpled head from the pillow.
тАЬGet up,тАЭ said Jane curtly. тАЬWash yourself and shave yourself and try and make yourself reasonably decent. NellтАЩs here and wants to see you.тАЭ
тАЬNell! ButтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬShe thinks IтАЩm telephoning to you. When youтАЩre ready, you can go outside the front door and ring the bellтБатАФand may God have mercy on both our souls.тАЭ
тАЬBut Jane. NellтБатАКтБатАж what does she want?тАЭ
тАЬIf you still want to marry her, Vernon, now is your chance.тАЭ
тАЬBut IтАЩll have to tell herтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬWhat? That youтАЩve been leading a тАШgay life,тАЩ that youтАЩve been тАШwildтАЩ? All the usual euphemisms! ThatтАЩs all sheтАЩll expectтБатАФand sheтАЩll be grateful to you for laying as little stress on that as possible. But tell her about you and meтБатАФand you bring it from the general to the particularтБатАФand take the child through hell. Muzzle that noble conscience of yours and think of her.тАЭ
Vernon rose slowly from the bed.
тАЬI donтАЩt understand you, Jane.тАЭ
тАЬNo, probably you never will.тАЭ
He said: тАЬHas Nell thrown over George Chetwynd?тАЭ
тАЬI havenтАЩt asked for details. IтАЩm going back to her now. Hurry up.тАЭ
She left the room. Vernon thought, тАЬIтАЩve never understood Jane. I never shall. SheтАЩs so damned disconcerting. Well, I suppose IтАЩve been a sort of passing amusement to her. No, thatтАЩs ungrateful. SheтАЩs been damned decent to me. Nobody could have been more decent than Jane has been. But I couldnтАЩt make Nell understand that. SheтАЩd think Jane was dreadful.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
As he shaved and washed rapidly he said to himself: тАЬAll the same, itтАЩs out of the question. Nell and I could never come together again. Oh! I donтАЩt suppose thereтАЩs any question of that. SheтАЩs probably only come to ask me to forgive her, to make her feel comfortable in case I get killed in this bloody war. The sort of thing a girl would do. Anyway, I donтАЩt believe I care any more.тАЭ
Another voice, deep down, said ironically, тАЬOh! no, not at all. Then why is your heart beating and your hand shaking? You bloody ass, of course you care!тАЭ
He was ready. He went outsideтБатАФrang the bell. A mean subterfugeтБатАФunworthyтБатАФhe felt ashamed. Jane opened the door. She said, rather like a parlourmaid, тАЬIn here,тАЭ and waved him towards the sitting-room. He went in, closing the door behind him.
Nell had risen at his entrance. She stood with her hands clasped in front of her.
Her voice came faint and weak, like a guilty child.
тАЬOh! VernonтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
Time swept backwards. He was in the boat at CambridgeтБатАКтБатАж on the bridge at Ranelagh. He forgot Jane, he forgot everything. He and Nell were the only people in the world.
тАЬNell!тАЭ
They were clinging together, breathless as though they had been running. Words tumbled from NellтАЩs lips.
тАЬVernonтБатАФif you wantтБатАФI do love youтБатАФOh! I do.тБатАКтБатАж IтАЩll marry you any timeтБатАФat onceтБатАФtoday. I donтАЩt mind about being poor or anything!тАЭ
He lifted her off her feet, kissed her eyes, her hair, her lips.
тАЬDarlingтБатАФoh! darling. DonтАЩt letтАЩs waste a minuteтБатАФnot a minute. I donтАЩt know how you get married. IтАЩve never thought about it. But letтАЩs go out and see. WeтАЩll go to the Archbishop of CanterburyтБатАФisnтАЩt that what you do? and get a special licence? How the devil do you get married?тАЭ
тАЬWe might ask a clergyman?тАЭ
тАЬOr thereтАЩs a Registry Office. ThatтАЩs the thing.тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt think I want to be married at a Registry Office. IтАЩd feel rather like a cook or a house parlourmaid being engaged.тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt think itтАЩs that kind, darling. But if youтАЩd rather be married in a church, letтАЩs be married in a church. There are thousands of churches in London, all with nothing to do. IтАЩm sure one of them will love to marry us.тАЭ
They went out together, laughing happily. Vernon had forgotten everythingтБатАФremorse, conscience, Jane.тБатАКтБатАж
At half-past two that afternoon Vernon Deyre and Eleanor Vereker were married in the church of St.┬аEthelredтАЩs, Chelsea.