IV
I
Vernon woke, after a long time, to find himself in bed. It was, of course, the natural place to be when you woke up, but what wasnтАЩt natural was to have a great hump sticking up in front of you in the bed. It was whilst he was staring at this that someone spoke to him. That someone was Dr.┬аColes, whom Vernon knew quite well.
тАЬWell, well,тАЭ said Dr.┬аColes, тАЬand how are we feeling?тАЭ
Vernon didnтАЩt know how Dr.┬аColes was feeling. He himself was feeling rather sick and said so.
тАЬI dare say, I dare say,тАЭ said Dr.┬аColes.
тАЬAnd I think I hurt somewhere,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬI think I hurt very much.тАЭ
тАЬI dare say, I dare say,тАЭ said Dr.┬аColes againтБатАФnot very helpfully, Vernon thought.
тАЬPerhaps IтАЩd feel better if I got up,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬCan I get up?тАЭ
тАЬNot just now, IтАЩm afraid,тАЭ said the doctor. тАЬYou see, youтАЩve had a fall.тАЭ
тАЬYes,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬThe Beast came after me.тАЭ
тАЬEh? WhatтАЩs that? The Beast? What Beast?тАЭ
тАЬNothing,тАЭ said Vernon.
тАЬA dog, I expect,тАЭ said the doctor. тАЬJumped at the wall and barked. You mustnтАЩt be afraid of dogs, my boy.тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm not,тАЭ said Vernon.
тАЬAnd what were you doing so far from home, eh? No business to be where you were.тАЭ
тАЬNobody told me not to,тАЭ said Vernon.
тАЬHum, hum, I wonder. Well, IтАЩm afraid youтАЩve got to take your punishment. Do you know, youтАЩve broken your leg, my boy?тАЭ
тАЬHave I?тАЭ Vernon was gratifiedтБатАФenchanted. He had broken his leg. He felt very important.
тАЬYes, youтАЩll have to lie here for a bit, and then it will mean crutches for a while. Do you know what crutches are?тАЭ
Yes, Vernon knew. Mr.┬аJobber, the blacksmithтАЩs father, had crutches. And he was to have crutches! How wonderful!
тАЬCan I try them now?тАЭ
Dr.┬аColes laughed.
тАЬSo you like the idea? No, IтАЩm afraid youтАЩll have to wait a bit. And you must try and be a brave boy, you know. And then youтАЩll get well quicker.тАЭ
тАЬThank you,тАЭ said Vernon politely. тАЬI donтАЩt think I do feel very well. Can you take this funny thing out of my bed? I think it would be more comfortable then.тАЭ
But it seemed that the funny thing was called a cradle, and that it couldnтАЩt be taken away. And it seemed, too, that Vernon would not be able to move about in bed because his leg was all tied up to a long piece of wood. And suddenly it didnтАЩt seem a very nice thing to have a broken leg after all.
VernonтАЩs underlip trembled a little. He was not going to cryтБатАФno, he was a big boy and big boys didnтАЩt cry. Nurse said so. And then he knew that he wanted NurseтБатАФwanted her badly. He wanted her reassuring presence, her omniscience, her creaking rustling majesty.
тАЬSheтАЩll be coming back soon,тАЭ said Dr.┬аColes. тАЬYes, soon. In the meantime, this nurse is going to look after youтБатАФNurse Frances.тАЭ
Nurse Frances moved into VernonтАЩs range of vision and Vernon studied her in silence. She too was starched and crackling; that was all to the good. But she wasnтАЩt big like Nurse. She was thinner than MummyтБатАФas thin as Aunt Nina. He wasnтАЩt sureтБатАКтБатАж
And then he met her eyesтБатАФsteady eyes, more green than grey, and he felt, as most people felt, that with Nurse Frances things would be тАЬall right.тАЭ
She smiled at himтБатАФbut not in the way that visitors smiled. It was a grave smile, friendly but reserved.
тАЬIтАЩm sorry you feel sick,тАЭ she said. тАЬWould you like some orange juice?тАЭ
Vernon considered the matter and said he thought he would. Dr.┬аColes went out of the room and Nurse Frances brought him the orange juice in a most curious-looking cup with a long spout. And it appeared that Vernon was to drink from the spout.
It made him laugh, but laughing hurt him, and so he stopped. Nurse Frances suggested he should go to sleep again, but he said he didnтАЩt want to go to sleep.
тАЬThen I shouldnтАЩt go to sleep,тАЭ said Nurse Frances. тАЬI wonder if you can count how many irises there are on that wall? You can start on the right side, and IтАЩll start on the left side. You can count, canтАЩt you?тАЭ
Vernon said proudly that he could count up to a hundred.
тАЬThat is a lot,тАЭ said Nurse Frances. тАЬThere arenтАЩt nearly as many irises as a hundred. I guess there are seventy-five. Now what do you guess?тАЭ
Vernon guessed that there were fifty. There couldnтАЩt, he felt sure, possibly be more than that. He began to count, but somehow, without knowing it, his eyelids closed and he slept.тБатАКтБатАж
II
NoiseтБатАКтБатАж noise and painтБатАКтБатАж He woke with a start. He felt hot, very hot and there was a pain all down one side. And the noise was coming nearer. It was the noise that one always connected with MummyтБатАКтБатАж
She came into the room like a whirlwind, a kind of cloak affair she wore swinging out behind her. She was like a birdтБатАФa great big birdтБатАФand like a bird, she swooped down upon him.
тАЬVernonтБатАФmy darlingтБатАФMummyтАЩs own darling! What have they done to you? How awful! How terrible! My child!тАЭ
She was crying. Vernon began to cry too. He was suddenly frightened. Myra was moaning and weeping.
тАЬMy little child. All I have in the world. God, donтАЩt take him from me. DonтАЩt take him from me! If he dies, I shall die too!тАЭ
тАЬMrs.┬аDeyreтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬVernonтБатАФVernonтБатАФmy babyтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬMrs.┬аDeyreтБатАФplease!тАЭ
There was crisp command in the voice rather than appeal.
тАЬPlease donтАЩt touch him. You will hurt him.тАЭ
тАЬHurt him? I? His mother?тАЭ
тАЬYou donтАЩt seem to realize, Mrs.┬аDeyre, that his leg is broken. I must ask you, please, to leave the room.тАЭ
тАЬYouтАЩre hiding something from me. Tell meтБатАФtell meтБатАФwill the leg have to be amputated?тАЭ
A wail came from Vernon. He had not the least idea what тАЬamputatedтАЭ meant, but it sounded painfulтБатАФand more than painful, terrifying. His wail broke into a scream.
тАЬHeтАЩs dying!тАЭ cried Myra. тАЬHeтАЩs dyingтБатАФand they wonтАЩt tell me. But he shall die in my arms.тАЭ
тАЬMrs.┬аDeyreтБатАФтАЭ
Somehow Nurse Frances had got between his mother and the bed. She was holding his mother by the shoulder. Her voice had the tone that NurseтАЩs had had when speaking to Katie, the under-housemaid.
тАЬMrs.┬аDeyre, listen to me. You must control yourself. You must!тАЭ Then she looked up. VernonтАЩs father was standing in the doorway. тАЬMr.┬аDeyre, please take your wife away. I cannot have my patient excited and upset.тАЭ
His father noddedтБатАФa quiet understanding nod. He just looked at Vernon once and said: тАЬBad luck, old chap. I broke an arm once.тАЭ
The world became suddenly less terrifying. Other people broke legs and arms. His father had hold of his motherтАЩs shoulder, he was leading her towards the door, speaking to her in a low voice. She was protesting, arguing, her voice high and shrill with emotion.
тАЬHow can you understand? YouтАЩve never cared for the child like I have. It takes a mother. How can I leave my child to be looked after by a stranger? He needs his mother.тБатАКтБатАж You donтАЩt understand. I love him. ThereтАЩs nothing like a motherтАЩs careтБатАФeveryone says so.тАЭ
тАЬVernon darlingтАЭтБатАФshe broke from her husbandтАЩs clasp, came back towards the bedтБатАФтАЬyou want me, donтАЩt you? You want Mummy?тАЭ
тАЬI want Nurse,тАЭ sobbed Vernon. тАЬI want Nurse.тАЭ
He meant his own Nurse, not Nurse Frances.
тАЬOh!тАЭ said Myra. She stood there quivering.
тАЬCome, my dear,тАЭ said VernonтАЩs father gently. тАЬCome away.тАЭ
She leant against him, and together they passed from the room. Faint words floated back into the room.
тАЬMy own child, to turn from me to a stranger.тАЭ
Nurse Frances smoothed the sheet and suggested a drink of water.
тАЬNurse is coming back very soon,тАЭ she said. тАЬWeтАЩll write to her today, shall we? You shall tell me what to say.тАЭ
A queer new feeling surged over VernonтБатАФa sort of odd gratitude. Somebody had actually understood.тБатАКтБатАж
III
When Vernon, later, was to look back upon his childhood, this one period was to stand out quite clearly from the rest. тАЬThe time I broke my legтАЭ marked a distinct era.
He was to appreciate, too, various small incidents that were accepted by him at the time as a matter of course. For instance, a rather stormy interview that took place between Dr.┬аColes and his mother. Naturally this did not take place in VernonтАЩs sick room, but MyraтАЩs raised voice penetrated closed doors. Vernon heard indignant exclamations of тАЬI donтАЩt know what you mean by upsetting him.тБатАКтБатАж I consider I ought to nurse my own child.тБатАКтБатАж Naturally I was distressedтБатАФIтАЩm not one of these people who simply have no heartтБатАФno heart at all. Look at WalterтБатАФnever turned a hair!тАЭ
There were many skirmishes, too, not to say pitched battles fought between Myra and Nurse Frances. In these cases Nurse Frances always won, but at a certain cost. Myra Deyre was wildly and furiously jealous of what she called тАЬthe paid nurse.тАЭ She was forced to submit to Dr.┬аColeтАЩs dictums, but she did so with a bad grace and with an overt rudeness that Nurse Frances never seemed to notice.
In after years Vernon remembered nothing of the pain and tedium that there must have been. He only remembered happy days of playing and talking as he had never played and talked before. For in Nurse Frances, he found a grown up who didnтАЩt think things тАЬfunnyтАЭ or тАЬquaint.тАЭ Somebody who listened sensibly and who made serious and sensible suggestions. To Nurse Frances he was able to speak of Poodle, Squirrel and Tree, and of Mr.┬аGreen and the hundred children. And instead of saying тАЬWhat a funny game!тАЭ Nurse Frances merely inquired whether the hundred children were girls or boysтБатАФan aspect of the matter which Vernon had never thought of before. But he and Nurse Frances decided that there were fifty of each, which seemed a very fair arrangement.
If sometimes, off his guard, he played his make-believe games aloud, Nurse Frances never seemed to notice or to think it unusual. She had the same calm comfortableness of old Nurse about her, but she had something that mattered far more to Vernon, the gift of answering questionsтБатАФand he knew, instinctively, that the answers were always true. Sometimes she would say: тАЬI donтАЩt know that myself,тАЭ or тАЬYou must ask someone else. IтАЩm not clever enough to tell you that.тАЭ There was no pretence of omniscience about her.
Sometimes, after tea, she would tell Vernon stories. The stories were never the same two days runningтБатАФone day they would be about naughty little boys and girls, and the next day they would be about enchanted princesses. Vernon liked the latter kind best. There was one in particular that he loved, about a princess in a tower with golden hair and a vagabond prince in a ragged green hat. The story ended up in a forest and it was possibly for that reason that Vernon liked it so much.
Sometimes there would be an extra listener. Myra used to come in and be with Vernon during the early afternoon when Nurse Frances had her time off, but VernonтАЩs father used sometimes to come in after tea when the stories were going on. Little by little it became a habit. Walter Deyre would sit in the shadows just behind Nurse FrancesтАЩ chair, and from there he would watch, not his child, but the storyteller. One day Vernon saw his fatherтАЩs hand steal out and close gently over Nurse FrancesтАЩ wrist.
And then something happened which surprised him very much. Nurse Frances got up from her chair.
тАЬIтАЩm afraid we must turn you out for this evening, Mr.┬аDeyre,тАЭ she said quietly. тАЬVernon and I have things to do.тАЭ
This astonished Vernon very much, because he couldnтАЩt think what those things were. He was still more puzzled when his father got up also and said in a low voice:
тАЬI beg your pardon.тАЭ
Nurse Frances bent her head a little, but remained standing. Her eyes met Walter DeyreтАЩs steadily. He said quietly:
тАЬWill you believe that I am really sorry, and let me come tomorrow?тАЭ
After that, in some way that Vernon could not have defined, his fatherтАЩs manner was different. He no longer sat so near Nurse Frances. He talked more to Vernon and occasionally they all three played a gameтБатАФusually Old Maid for which Vernon had a wild passion. They were happy evenings enjoyed by all three.
One day when Nurse Frances was out of the room, Walter Deyre said abruptly:
тАЬDo you like that nurse of yours, Vernon?тАЭ
тАЬNurse Frances? I like her lots. DonтАЩt you, Father?тАЭ
тАЬYes,тАЭ said Walter Deyre, тАЬI do.тАЭ
There was a sadness in his voice which Vernon felt.
тАЬIs anything the matter, Father?тАЭ
тАЬNothing that can be put right. The horse that gets left at the post never has much chance of making goodтБатАФand the fact that itтАЩs the horseтАЩs own fault doesnтАЩt make matters any better. But thatтАЩs double Dutch to you, old man. Anyway, enjoy your Nurse Frances while youтАЩve got her. There arenтАЩt many of her sort knocking about.тАЭ
And then Nurse Frances came back and they played Animal Grab.
But Walter DeyreтАЩs words had set VernonтАЩs mind to work. He tackled Nurse Frances next morning.
тАЬArenтАЩt you going to be here always?тАЭ
тАЬNo. Only till you get wellтБатАФor nearly well.тАЭ
тАЬWonтАЩt you stay always? IтАЩd like you to.тАЭ
тАЬBut you see, thatтАЩs not my work. My work is to look after people who are ill.тАЭ
тАЬDo you like doing that?тАЭ
тАЬYes, very much.тАЭ
тАЬWhy?тАЭ
тАЬWell, you see, everyone has some particular kind of work that they like doing and that suits them.тАЭ
тАЬMummy hasnтАЩt.тАЭ
тАЬOh, yes, she has. Her work is to look after this big house and see that everything goes right, and to take care of you and your father.тАЭ
тАЬFather was a soldier once. He told me that if ever there was a war, heтАЩd go and be a soldier again.тАЭ
тАЬAre you very fond of your father, Vernon?тАЭ
тАЬI love Mummy best, of course. Mummy says little boys always love their mothers best. I like being with Father, of course, but thatтАЩs different. I expect itтАЩs because heтАЩs a man. What shall I be when I grow up, do you think? I want to be a sailor.тАЭ
тАЬPerhaps youтАЩll write books.тАЭ
тАЬWhat about?тАЭ
Nurse Frances smiled a little.
тАЬPerhaps about Mr.┬аGreen, and Poodle and Squirrel and Tree.тАЭ
тАЬBut everyone would say that that was silly.тАЭ
тАЬLittle boys wouldnтАЩt think so. And besides, when you grow up, you will have different people in your headтБатАФlike Mr.┬аGreen and the children, only grown-up people. And then you could write about them.тАЭ
Vernon thought for a long time, then he shook his head.
тАЬI think IтАЩll be a soldier like Father. Most of the Deyres have been soldiers, Mummy says. Of course you have to be very brave to be a soldier, but I think I would be brave enough.тАЭ
Nurse Frances was silent a moment. She was thinking of what Walter Deyre had said of his small son.
тАЬHeтАЩs a plucky little chapтБатАФabsolutely fearless. DoesnтАЩt know what fear is! You should see him on his pony.тАЭ
Yes, Vernon was fearless enough in one sense. He had the power of endurance, too. He had borne the pain and discomfort of his broken leg unusually well for so young a child.
But there was another kind of fear. She said slowly after a minute or two:
тАЬTell me again how you fell off the wall that day.тАЭ
She knew all about the Beast, and had been careful to display no ridicule. She listened now to Vernon and as he finished she said gently:
тАЬBut youтАЩve known for quite a long time, havenтАЩt you, that it isnтАЩt a real Beast? That itтАЩs only a thing made of wood and wires.тАЭ
тАЬI do know,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬBut I donтАЩt dream it like that. And when I saw it in the garden coming at meтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬYou ran awayтБатАФwhich was rather a pity, wasnтАЩt it? It would have been much better to have stayed and looked. Then youтАЩd have seen the men, and would have known just what it was. ItтАЩs always a good thing to look. Then you can run away afterwards if you still want toтБатАФbut you usually donтАЩt. And Vernon, IтАЩll tell you something else.тАЭ
тАЬYes?тАЭ
тАЬThings are never so frightening in front of you as they are behind you. Remember that. Anything seems frightening when itтАЩs behind your back and you canтАЩt see it. ThatтАЩs why itтАЩs always better to turn and face thingsтБатАФand then very often you find they are nothing at all.тАЭ
Vernon said thoughtfully: тАЬIf IтАЩd turned round I wouldnтАЩt have broken my leg, would I?тАЭ
тАЬNo.тАЭ
Vernon sighed.
тАЬI donтАЩt mind having broken my leg very much. It has been very nice having you to play with.тАЭ
He thought Nurse Frances murmured тАЬPoor childтАЭ under her breath, but that, of course, was absurd. She said smiling:
тАЬIтАЩve enjoyed it too. Some of my ill people donтАЩt like to play.тАЭ
тАЬYou really do like playing, donтАЩt you?тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬSo does Mr.┬аGreen.тАЭ
He added rather stiffly, for he felt shy:
тАЬPlease donтАЩt go away very soon, will you?тАЭ
IV
But as it happened, Nurse Frances went away much sooner than she might have done. It all happened very suddenly, as things in VernonтАЩs experience always did.
It started very simplyтБатАФsomething that Myra offered to do for Vernon and that he said he would rather have done by Nurse Frances.
He was on crutches now for a short and painful time every day, enjoying the novelty of it very much. He soon got tired, however, and was ready to go back to bed. Today his mother had suggested his doing so, saying she would help him. But Vernon had been helped by her before. Those big white hands of hers were strangely clumsy. They hurt where they meant to help. He shrank from her well-meant efforts. He said he would wait for Nurse Frances, who never hurt.
The words came out with the tactless honesty of children, and in a minute Myra Deyre was at white heat.
Nurse Frances came in two or three minutes later to be received with a flood of reproach.
Turning the boy against his own motherтБатАФcruelтБатАФwicked. They were all alikeтБатАФeveryone was against her. She had nothing in the world but Vernon and now he was being turned against her too.
So it went onтБатАФa ceaseless stream. Nurse Frances bore it patiently enough without surprise or rancour. Mrs.┬аDeyre, she knew, was that kind of woman. Scenes were a relief to her. And hard words, Nurse Frances reflected with grim humour, can only harm if the utterer is dear to you. She was sorry for Myra Deyre for she realized how much real unhappiness and misery lay behind these hysterical outbursts.
It was an unfortunate moment for Walter Deyre to choose to enter the nursery. For a moment or two he stood surprised, then he flushed angrily.
тАЬReally, Myra, IтАЩm ashamed of you. You donтАЩt know what youтАЩre saying.тАЭ
She turned on him furiously.
тАЬI know what IтАЩm saying well enough. And I know what youтАЩve been doing. Slinking in here every dayтБатАФIтАЩve seen you. Always making love to some woman or other. Nursemaids, hospital nursesтБатАФitтАЩs all one to you.тАЭ
тАЬMyraтБатАФbe quiet!тАЭ
He was really angry now. Myra Deyre felt a throb of fear. But she hurled her last piece of invective.
тАЬYouтАЩre all alike, you hospital nurses. Flirting with other womenтАЩs husbands. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Before the innocent child tooтБатАФputting all sorts of things into his head. But youтАЩll go out of my house. Yes, youтАЩll go right outтБатАФand I shall tell Dr.┬аColes what I think of you.тАЭ
тАЬWould you mind continuing this edifying scene elsewhere?тАЭ Her husbandтАЩs voice was as she hated it mostтБатАФcold and sneering. тАЬHardly judicious in front of your innocent child, is it? I apologize, Nurse, for what my wife has been saying. Come, Myra.тАЭ
She wentтБатАФbeginning to cryтБатАФweakly frightened at what she had done. As usual, she had said more than she meant.
тАЬYouтАЩre cruel,тАЭ she sobbed. тАЬCruel. YouтАЩd like me to be dead. You hate me.тАЭ
She followed him out of the room. Nurse Frances put Vernon to bed. He wanted to ask questions but she talked of a dog, a big St.┬аBernard, that she had had when she was a little girl and he was so much interested that he forgot everything else.
Much later that evening, VernonтАЩs father came to the nursery. He looked white and ill. Nurse Frances rose and came to where he stood in the doorway.
тАЬI donтАЩt know what to say. How can I apologizeтБатАФthe things my wife saidтБатАФтАЭ
Nurse Frances replied in a quiet matter-of-fact voice:
тАЬOh! itтАЩs quite all right. I understand. I think, though, that I had better go as soon as it can be arranged. My being here makes Mrs.┬аDeyre unhappy, and then she works herself up.тАЭ
тАЬIf she knew how wide of the mark her wild accusations are. That she should insult youтБатАФтАЭ
Nurse Frances laughedтБатАФnot, perhaps, very convincingly.
тАЬI always think itтАЩs absurd when people complain about being insulted,тАЭ she said cheerfully. тАЬSuch a pompous word, isnтАЩt it? Please donтАЩt worry or think I mind. You know, Mr.┬аDeyre, your wife isтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬYes?тАЭ
Her voice changed. It was grave and sad.
тАЬA very unhappy and lonely woman.тАЭ
тАЬDo you think that is entirely my fault?тАЭ
There was a pause. She lifted her eyesтБатАФthose steady green eyes.
тАЬYes,тАЭ she said, тАЬI do.тАЭ
He drew a long breath.
тАЬNo one else but you would have said that to me. YouтБатАФI suppose itтАЩs courage in you that I admire so muchтБатАФyour absolute fearless honesty. IтАЩm sorry for Vernon that he should lose you before he need.тАЭ
She said gravely: тАЬDonтАЩt blame yourself for things you neednтАЩt. This has not been your fault.тАЭ
тАЬNurse Frances.тАЭ It was Vernon, eagerly from bed. тАЬI donтАЩt want you to go away. DonтАЩt go away, pleaseтБатАФnot tonight.тАЭ
тАЬOf course not,тАЭ said Nurse Frances. тАЬWeтАЩve got to talk to Dr.┬аColes about it.тАЭ
Nurse Frances left three days later. Vernon wept bitterly. He had lost the first real friend he had ever had.