I
The years from five to nine remained somewhat dim in VernonтАЩs memory. Things changedтБатАФbut so gradually as not to matter. Nurse did not return to her reign over the nursery. Her mother had had a stroke and was quite helpless and she was obliged to remain and look after her.
Instead, a Miss Robbins was installed as nursery governess. A creature so extraordinarily colourless that Vernon could never afterwards even recall what she looked like. He must have become somewhat out of hand under her regime for he was sent to school just after his eighth birthday. On his first holidays he found his cousin Josephine installed.
On her few visits to Abbots Puissants, Nina had never brought her small daughter with her. Indeed her visits had become rarer and rarer. Vernon, knowing things without thinking about them as children do, was perfectly well aware of two facts. One, that his father did not like Uncle Sydney but was always exceedingly polite to him. Two, that his mother did not like Aunt Nina and did not mind showing it. Sometimes, when Nina was sitting talking to Walter in the garden, Myra would join them and in the momentary pause that nearly always followed, she would say:
тАЬI suppose IтАЩd better go away again. I see IтАЩm in the way. No, thank you, Walter [this in answer to a protest, gently murmured], I can see plainly enough when IтАЩm not wanted.тАЭ
She would move away, biting her lip, nervously clasping and unclasping her hands, tears in her brown eyes. And, very quietly, Walter Deyre would raise his eyebrows.
One day, Nina broke out: тАЬSheтАЩs impossible! I canтАЩt speak to you for ten minutes without an absurd scene. Walter, why did you do it? Why did you do it?тАЭ
Vernon remembered how his father had looked round, gazing up at the house, then letting his eyes sweep far afield to where the ruins of the old Abbey just showed.
тАЬI cared for the place,тАЭ he said slowly. тАЬIn the blood, I suppose. I didnтАЩt want to let it go.тАЭ
There had been a brief silence and then Nina had laughedтБатАФa queer short laugh.
тАЬWeтАЩre not a very satisfactory family,тАЭ she said. тАЬWeтАЩve made a pretty good mess of things, you and I.тАЭ
There was another pause and then his father had said: тАЬIs it as bad as that?тАЭ
Nina had drawn in her breath with a sharp hiss. She nodded.
тАЬPretty well. I donтАЩt think, Walter, that I can go on much longer. Fred hates the sight of me. Oh! we behave very prettily in publicтБатАФno one would guessтБатАФbut, my God, when weтАЩre alone!тАЭ
тАЬYes, but my dear girlтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
And then, for a while, Vernon heard no more. Their voices were lowered, his father seemed to be arguing with his aunt. Finally his voice rose again.
тАЬYou canтАЩt take a mad step like that. ItтАЩs not even as though you cared for Anstey. You donтАЩt.тАЭ
тАЬI suppose notтБатАФbut heтАЩs crazy about me.тАЭ
His father said something that sounded like Social Ostriches. Nina laughed again.
тАЬThat? WeтАЩd neither of us care.тАЭ
тАЬAnstey would in the end.тАЭ
тАЬFred would divorce meтБатАФonly too glad of the chance. Then we could marry.тАЭ
тАЬEven thenтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬWalter on the social conventions! It has its humorous side!тАЭ
тАЬWomen and men are very different,тАЭ said VernonтАЩs father dryly.
тАЬOh! I knowтБатАФI know. But anythingтАЩs better than this everlasting misery. Of course at the bottom of it all is that I still care for FredтБатАФI always did. And he never cared for me.тАЭ
тАЬThereтАЩs the kid,тАЭ said Walter Deyre. тАЬYou canтАЩt go off and leave her?тАЭ
тАЬCanтАЩt I? IтАЩm not much of a mother, you know. As a matter of fact IтАЩd take her with me. Fred wouldnтАЩt care. He hates her as much as he hates me.тАЭ
There was another pause, a long one this time. Then Nina said slowly:
тАЬWhat a ghastly tangle human beings can get themselves into. And in your case and mine, Walter, itтАЩs all our own fault. WeтАЩre a nice family! We bring bad luck to ourselves and to anyone we have anything to do with.тАЭ
Walter Deyre got up. He filled a pipe abstractedly, then moved slowly away. For the first time Nina noticed Vernon.
тАЬHallo, child,тАЭ she said. тАЬI didnтАЩt see you were there. How much did you understand of all that, I wonder?тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt know,тАЭ said Vernon vaguely, shifting from foot to foot.
Nina opened a chain bag, took out a tortoiseshell case and extracted a cigarette which she proceeded to light. Vernon watched her, fascinated. He had never seen a woman smoke.
тАЬWhatтАЩs the matter?тАЭ said Nina.
тАЬMummy says,тАЭ said Vernon, тАЬthat no nice woman would ever smoke. She said so to Miss Robbins.тАЭ
тАЬOh! well,тАЭ said Nina. She puffed out a cloud of smoke. тАЬI expect she was quite right. IтАЩm not a nice woman, you see, Vernon.тАЭ
Vernon looked at her, vaguely distressed.
тАЬI think youтАЩre very pretty,тАЭ he said rather shyly.
тАЬThatтАЩs not the same thing,тАЭ NinaтАЩs smile widened. тАЬCome here, Vernon.тАЭ
He came obediently. Nina put her hands on his shoulders and looked him over quizzically. He submitted patiently. He never minded being touched by Aunt Nina. Her hands were lightтБатАФnot clutching like his motherтАЩs.
тАЬYes,тАЭ said Nina. тАЬYouтАЩre a DeyreтБатАФvery much so. Rough luck on Myra, but there it is.тАЭ
тАЬWhat does that mean?тАЭ said Vernon.
тАЬIt means that youтАЩre like your fatherтАЩs family and not like your motherтАЩsтБатАФworse luck for you.тАЭ
тАЬWhy worse luck for me?тАЭ
тАЬBecause the Deyres, Vernon, are neither happy nor successful. And they canтАЩt make good.тАЭ
What funny things Aunt Nina said! She said them half laughingly, so perhaps she didnтАЩt mean them. And yet, somehow, there was something in them that, though he didnтАЩt understand, made him afraid.
тАЬWould it be better,тАЭ he said suddenly, тАЬto be like Uncle Sydney?тАЭ
тАЬMuch better. Much much better.тАЭ
Vernon considered.
тАЬBut then,тАЭ he said slowly, тАЬif I was like Uncle SydneyтБатАФтАЭ
He stopped, trying to get his thoughts into words.
тАЬYes, well?тАЭ
тАЬIf I was Uncle Sydney, I should have to live at Larch HurstтБатАФand not here.тАЭ
Larch Hurst was a stoutly built red brick villa near Birmingham where Vernon had once been taken to stay with Uncle Sydney and Aunt Carrie. It had three acres of superb pleasure grounds, a rose garden, a pergola, a goldfish tank, and two excellently fitted bathrooms.
тАЬAnd wouldnтАЩt you like that?тАЭ asked Nina, still watching him.
тАЬNo!тАЭ said Vernon. A great sigh broke from him, heaving his small chest. тАЬI want to live hereтБатАФalways, always, always!тАЭ