XVI
вЄЇвБ†And so to make sure of both systems, Mrs.¬†Wadman predetermined to light my uncle Toby neither at this end or that; but, like a prodigalвАЩs candle, to light him, if possible, at both ends at once.
Now, through all the lumber rooms of military furniture, including both of horse and foot, from the great arsenal of Venice to the Tower of London (exclusive), if Mrs.¬†Wadman had been rummaging for seven years together, and with Bridget to help her, she could not have found any one blind or mantelet so fit for her purpose, as that which the expediency of my uncle TobyвАЩs affairs had fixвАЩd up ready to her hands.
I believe I have not told youвБ†вЄЇвБ†but I donвАЩt knowвБ†вЄЇвБ†possibly I haveвБ†вЄЇвБ†be it as it will, вАЩtis one of the number of those many things, which a man had better do over again, than dispute about itвБ†вАФThat whatever town or fortress the corporal was at work upon, during the course of their campaign, my uncle Toby always took care, on the inside of his sentry-box, which was towards his left hand, to have a plan of the place, fastenвАЩd up with two or three pins at the top, but loose at the bottom, for the conveniency of holding it up to the eye, etcвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ as occasions required; so that when an attack was resolved upon, Mrs.¬†Wadman had nothing more to do, when she had got advanced to the door of the sentry-box, but to extend her right hand; and edging in her left foot at the same movement, to take hold of the map or plan, or upright, or whatever it was, and with outstretched neck meeting it halfway,вБ†вАФto advance it towards her; on which my uncle TobyвАЩs passions were sure to catch fireвБ†вЄЇвБ†for he would instantly take hold of the other corner of the map in his left hand, and with the end of his pipe in the other, begin an explanation.
When the attack was advanced to this point;вБ†вЄЇвБ†the world will naturally enter into the reasons of Mrs.¬†WadmanвАЩs next stroke of generalshipвБ†вЄЇвБ†which was, to take my uncle TobyвАЩs tobacco-pipe out of his hand as soon as she possibly could; which, under one pretence or other, but generally that of pointing more distinctly at some redoubt or breastwork in the map, she would effect before my uncle Toby (poor soul!) had well marchвАЩd above half a dozen toises with it.
вАФIt obliged my uncle Toby to make use of his forefinger.
The difference it made in the attack was this; That in going upon it, as in the first case, with the end of her forefinger against the end of my uncle TobyвАЩs tobacco-pipe, she might have travelled with it, along the lines, from Dan to Beersheba, had my uncle TobyвАЩs lines reachвАЩd so far, without any effect: For as there was no arterial or vital heat in the end of the tobacco-pipe, it could excite no sentimentвБ†вЄЇвБ†it could neither give fire by pulsationвБ†вЄЇвБ†or receive it by sympathyвБ†вЄЇвАЩtwas nothing but smoke.
Whereas, in following my uncle TobyвАЩs forefinger with hers, close throвАЩ all the little turns and indentings of his worksвБ†вАФpressing sometimes against the side of itвБ†вЄЇвБ†then treading upon its nailвБ†вЄЇвБ†then tripping it upвБ†вЄЇвБ†then touching it hereвБ†вЄЇвБ†then there, and so onвБ†вЄЇвБ†it set something at least in motion.
This, though slight skirmishing, and at a distance from the main body, yet drew on the rest; for here, the map usually falling with the back of it, close to the side of the sentry-box, my uncle Toby, in the simplicity of his soul, would lay his hand flat upon it, in order to go on with his explanation; and Mrs.¬†Wadman, by a manoeuvre as quick as thought, would as certainly place hers close beside it; this at once opened a communication, large enough for any sentiment to pass or repass, which a person skillвАЩd in the elementary and practical part of lovemaking, has occasion forвБ†вЄЇвБ†
By bringing up her forefinger parallel (as before) to my uncle TobyвАЩsвБ†вЄЇвБ†it unavoidably brought the thumb into actionвБ†вЄЇвБ†and the forefinger and thumb being once engaged, as naturally brought in the whole hand. Thine, dear uncle Toby! was never now in its right placeвБ†вЄЇвБ†Mrs.¬†Wadman had it ever to take up, or, with the gentlest pushings, protrusions, and equivocal compressions, that a hand to be removed is capable of receivingвБ†вЄЇвБ†to get it pressвАЩd a hair breadth of one side out of her way.
Whilst this was doing, how could she forget to make him sensible, that it was her leg (and no oneвАЩs else) at the bottom of the sentry-box, which slightly pressвАЩd against the calf of hisвБ†вЄЇвБ†So that my uncle Toby being thus attacked and sore pushвАЩd on both his wingsвБ†вЄЇвБ†was it a wonder, if now and then, it put his centre into disorder?вБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†The duce take it! said my uncle Toby.