XXVIII
вАФCan you tell me, quoth Phutatorius, speaking to Gastripheres who sat next to himвБ†вЄЇвБ†for one would not apply to a surgeon in so foolish an affairвБ†вЄЇвБ†can you tell me, Gastripheres, what is best to take out the fire?вБ†вЄЇвБ†Ask Eugenius, said Gastripheres.вБ†вЄЇвБ†That greatly depends, said Eugenius, pretending ignorance of the adventure, upon the nature of the partвБ†вЄЇвБ†If it is a tender part, and a part which can conveniently be wrapt upвБ†вЄїIt is both the one and the other, replied Phutatorius, laying his hand as he spoke, with an emphatical nod of his head, upon the part in question, and lifting up his right leg at the same time to ease and ventilate it.вБ†вЄїIf that is the case, said Eugenius, I would advise you, Phutatorius, not to tamper with it by any means; but if you will send to the next printer, and trust your cure to such a simple thing as a soft sheet of paper just come off the pressвБ†вАФyou need do nothing more than twist it round.вБ†вАФThe damp paper, quoth Yorick (who sat next to his friend Eugenius) though I know it has a refreshing coolness in itвБ†вАФyet I presume is no more than the vehicleвБ†вАФand that the oil and lampblack with which the paper is so strongly impregnated, does the business.вБ†вАФRight, said Eugenius, and is, of any outward application I would venture to recommend, the most anodyne and safe.
Was it my case, said Gastripheres, as the main thing is the oil and lampblack, I should spread them thick upon a rag, and clap it on directly.вБ†вЄїThat would make a very devil of it, replied Yorick.вБ†вЄЇвБ†And besides, added Eugenius, it would not answer the intention, which is the extreme neatness and elegance of the prescription, which the Faculty hold to be half in half;вБ†вЄЇвБ†for consider, if the type is a very small one (which it should be) the sanative particles, which come into contact in this form, have the advantage of being spread so infinitely thin, and with such a mathematical equality (fresh paragraphs and large capitals excepted) as no art or management of the spatula can come up to.вБ†вЄїIt falls out very luckily, replied Phutatorius, that the second edition of my treatise de Concubinis retinendis is at this instant in the press.вБ†вЄїYou may take any leaf of it, said EugeniusвБ†вЄїno matter which.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Provided, quoth Yorick, there is no bawdry in it.вБ†вЄї
They are just now, replied Phutatorius, printing off the ninth chapterвБ†вЄЇвБ†which is the last chapter but one in the book.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Pray what is the title of that chapter? said Yorick; making a respectful bow to Phutatorius as he spoke.вБ†вЄїI think, answered Phutatorius, вАЩtis that de re concubinari√Ґ.
For HeavenвАЩs sake keep out of that chapter, quoth Yorick.
вЄЇвБ†By all meansвБ†вАФadded Eugenius.