XXI
The abbess of Ando√Љillets, which, if you look into the large set of provincial maps now publishing at Paris, you will find situated amongst the hills which divide Burgundy from Savoy, being in danger of an Anchylosis or stiff joint (the sinovia of her knee becoming hard by long matins), and having tried every remedyвБ†вЄЇвБ†first, prayers and thanksgiving; then invocations to all the saints in heaven promiscuouslyвБ†вЄЇвБ†then particularly to every saint who had ever had a stiff leg, before herвБ†вЄЇвБ†then touching it with all the relics of the convent, principally with the thighbone of the man of Lystra, who had been impotent from his youthвБ†вЄЇвБ†then wrapping it up in her veil when she went to bedвБ†вАФthen crosswise her rosaryвБ†вАФthen bringing in to her aid the secular arm, and anointing it with oils and hot fat of animalsвБ†вЄЇвБ†then treating it with emollient and resolving fomentationsвБ†вЄЇвБ†then with poultices of marsh-mallows, mallows, bonus Henricus, white lillies and fenugreekвБ†вАФthen taking the woods, I mean the smoak of вАЩem, holding her scapulary across her lapвБ†вЄЇвБ†then decoctions of wild chicory, water-cresses, chervil, sweet cecily and cochleariaвБ†вЄЇвБ†and nothing all this while answering, was prevailed on at last to try the hot baths of BourbonвБ†вЄЇвБ†so having first obtainвАЩd leave of the visitor-general to take care of her existenceвБ†вАФshe ordered all to be got ready for her journey: a novice of the convent of about seventeen, who had been troubled with a whitloe in her middle finger, by sticking it constantly into the abbessвАЩs cast poultices, etc.вБ†вАФhad gained such an interest, that overlooking a sciatical old nun, who might have been set up forever by the hot-baths of Bourbon, Margarita, the little novice, was elected as the companion of the journey.
An old calesh, belonging to the abbesse, lined with green frize, was ordered to be drawn out into the sunвБ†вАФthe gardener of the convent being chosen muleteerвБ†вАФled out the two old mules, to clip the hair from the rump-ends of their tails, whilst a couple of lay-sisters were busied, the one in darning the lining, and the other in sewing on the shreads of yellow binding, which the teeth of time had unravelledвБ†вЄЇвБ†the under-gardener dressвАЩd the muleteerвАЩs hat in hot wine-leesвБ†вЄЇвБ†and a tailor sat musically at it, in a shed over-against the convent, in assorting four dozen of bells for the harness, whistling to each bell, as he tied it on with a thong.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†The carpenter and the smith of Ando√Љillets held a council of wheels; and by seven, the morning after, all lookвАЩd spruce, and was ready at the gate of the convent for the hot-baths of BourbonвБ†вАФtwo rows of the unfortunate stood ready there an hour before.
The abbess of Ando√Љillets, supported by Margarita the novice, advanced slowly to the calesh, both clad in white, with their black rosaries hanging at their breastsвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†There was a simple solemnity in the contrast: they entered the calesh; and nuns in the same uniform, sweet emblem of innocence, each occupied a window, and as the abbess and Margarita lookвАЩd upвБ†вАФeach (the sciatical poor nun excepted)вБ†вАФeach streamвАЩd out the end of her veil in the airвБ†вАФthen kissвАЩd the lilly hand which let it go: the good abbess and Margarita laid their hands saint-wise upon their breastsвБ†вАФlookвАЩd up to heavenвБ†вАФthen to themвБ†вАФand lookвАЩd вАЬGod bless you, dear sisters.вАЭ
I declare I am interested in this story, and wish I had been there.
The gardener, whom I shall now call the muleteer, was a little, hearty, broad-set, good-natured, chattering, toping kind of a fellow, who troubled his head very little with the hows and whens of life; so had mortgaged a month of his conventical wages in a borrachio, or leathern cask of wine, which he had disposed behind the calesh, with a large russet-coloured riding-coat over it, to guard it from the sun; and as the weather was hot, and he not a niggard of his labours, walking ten times more than he rodeвБ†вАФhe found more occasions than those of nature, to fall back to the rear of his carriage; till by frequent coming and going, it had so happenвАЩd, that all his wine had leakвАЩd out at the legal vent of the borrachio, before one half of the journey was finishвАЩd.
Man is a creature born to habitudes. The day had been sultryвБ†вАФthe evening was deliciousвБ†вАФthe wine was generousвБ†вАФthe Burgundian hill on which it grew was steepвБ†вАФa little tempting bush over the door of a cool cottage at the foot of it, hung vibrating in full harmony with the passionsвБ†вАФa gentle air rustled distinctly through the leavesвБ†вАФвАЬComeвБ†вАФcome, thirsty muleteerвБ†вАФcome in.вАЭ
вАФThe muleteer was a son of Adam; I need not say a word more. He gave the mules, each of вАЩem, a sound lash, and looking in the abbessвАЩs and MargaritaвАЩs faces (as he did it)вБ†вАФas much as to say вАЬhere I amвАЭвБ†вАФhe gave a second good crackвБ†вАФas much as to say to his mules, вАЬget onвАЭвБ†вЄЇвБ†so slinking behind, he enterвАЩd the little inn at the foot of the hill.
The muleteer, as I told you, was a little, joyous, chirping fellow, who thought not of tomorrow, nor of what had gone before, or what was to follow it, provided he got but his scantling of Burgundy, and a little chitchat along with it; so entering into a long conversation, as how he was chief gardener to the convent of Ando√Љillets, etc. etc., and out of friendship for the abbess and Mademoiselle Margarita, who was only in her noviciate, he had come along with them from the confines of Savoy, etc. etc.вБ†вАФand as how she had got a white swelling by her devotionsвБ†вАФand what a nation of herbs he had procured to mollify her humours, etc. etc., and that if the waters of Bourbon did not mend that legвБ†вАФshe might as well be lame of bothвБ†вАФetc. etc. etc.вБ†вАФHe so contrived his story, as absolutely to forget the heroine of itвБ†вАФand with her the little novice, and what was a more ticklish point to be forgot than bothвБ†вАФthe two mules; who being creatures that take advantage of the world, inasmuch as their parents took it of themвБ†вАФand they not being in a condition to return the obligation downwards (as men and women and beasts are)вБ†вАФthey do it sideways, and longways, and back-waysвБ†вАФand up hill, and down hill, and which way they can.вБ†вЄїPhilosophers, with all their ethicks, have never considered this rightlyвБ†вАФhow should the poor muleteer, then in his cups, consider it at all? he did not in the leastвБ†вАФвАЩtis time we do; let us leave him then in the vortex of his element, the happiest and most thoughtless of mortal menвБ†вЄЇвБ†and for a moment let us look after the mules, the abbess, and Margarita.
By virtue of the muleteerвАЩs two last strokes the mules had gone quietly on, following their own consciences up the hill, till they had conquerвАЩd about one half of it; when the elder of them, a shrewd crafty old devil, at the turn of an angle, giving a side glance, and no muleteer behind themвБ†вЄЇвБ†
By my fig! said she, swearing, IвАЩll go no furtherвБ†вЄЇвБ†And if I do, replied the other, they shall make a drum of my hide.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
And so with one consent they stoppвАЩd thusвБ†вЄЇвБ†