V
Why weavers, gardeners, and gladiatorsвБ†вАФor a man with a pined leg (proceeding from some ailment in the foot)вБ†вАФshould ever have had some tender nymph breaking her heart in secret for them, are points well and duly settled and accounted for by ancient and modern physiologists.
A water-drinker, provided he is a professвАЩd one, and does it without fraud or covin, is precisely in the same predicament: not that, at first sight, there is any consequence, or show of logic in it, вАЬThat a rill of cold water dribbling through my inward parts, should light up a torch in my JennyвАЩsвБ†вАФвАЭ
вЄЇвБ†The proposition does not strike one; on the contrary, it seems to run opposite to the natural workings of causes and effectsвБ†вЄЇвБ†
But it shows the weakness and imbecility of human reason.
вЄЇвАЬAnd in perfect good health with it?вАЭ
вАФThe most perfect,вБ†вАФMadam, that friendship herself could wish meвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вАЬAnd drink nothing!вБ†вАФnothing but water?вАЭ
вАФImpetuous fluid! the moment thou pressest against the floodgates of the brainвБ†вЄЇвБ†see how they give way!вБ†вЄЇвБ†
In swims Curiosity, beckoning to her damsels to followвБ†вАФthey dive into the centre of the currentвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Fancy sits musing upon the bank, and with her eyes following the stream, turns straws and bulrushes into masts and bowspritsвБ†вЄЇвБ†And Desire, with vest held up to the knee in one hand, snatches at them, as they swim by her with the otherвБ†вЄЇвБ†
O ye water-drinkers! is it then by this delusive fountain, that ye have so often governed and turnвАЩd this world about like a mill-wheelвБ†вАФgrinding the faces of the impotentвБ†вАФbepowdering their ribsвБ†вАФbepeppering their noses, and changing sometimes even the very frame and face of natureвБ†вЄЇвБ†
If I was you, quoth Yorick, I would drink more water, EugeniusвБ†вАФAnd, if I was you, Yorick, replied Eugenius, so would I.
Which shows they had both read LonginusвБ†вЄЇвБ†
For my own part, I am resolved never to read any book but my own, as long as I live.