XI
вЄЇвАЬNow what can their two noddles be about?вАЭ cried my father -¬†- etc. -¬†-¬†-¬†-
I dare say, said my mother, they are making fortificationsвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄїNot on Mrs.¬†WadmanвАЩs premises! cried my father, stepping backвБ†вЄЇвБ†
I suppose not: quoth my mother.
I wish, said my father, raising his voice, the whole science of fortification at the devil, with all its trumpery of saps, mines, blinds, gabions, fausse-brays and cuvettsвБ†вЄї
вЄЇвБ†They are foolish thingsвБ†вЄЇвБ†said my mother.
Now she had a way, which, by the by, I would this moment give away my purple jerkin, and my yellow slippers into the bargain, if some of your reverences would imitateвБ†вАФand that was, never to refuse her assent and consent to any proposition my father laid before her, merely because she did not understand it, or had no ideas of the principal word or term of art, upon which the tenet or proposition rolled. She contented herself with doing all that her godfathers and godmothers promised for herвБ†вАФbut no more; and so would go on using a hard word twenty years togetherвБ†вАФand replying to it too, if it was a verb, in all its moods and tenses, without giving herself any trouble to enquire about it.
This was an eternal source of misery to my father, and broke the neck, at the first setting out, of more good dialogues between them, than could have done the most petulant contradictionвБ†вЄЇвБ†the few which survived were the better for the cuvettsвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вАФвАЬThey are foolish things;вАЭ said my mother.
вЄЇвБ†Particularly the cuvetts; replied my father.
вАЩTis enoughвБ†вАФhe tasted the sweet of triumphвБ†вАФand went on.
вАФNot that they are, properly speaking, Mrs.¬†WadmanвАЩs premises, said my father, partly correcting himselfвБ†вАФbecause she is but tenant for lifeвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†That makes a great differenceвБ†вАФsaid my motherвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вАФIn a foolвАЩs head, replied my fatherвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Unless she should happen to have a childвБ†вАФsaid my motherвБ†вАФ
вЄЇвБ†But she must persuade my brother Toby first to get her oneвБ†вАФ
вЄЇвБ†To be sure, Mr.¬†Shandy, quoth my mother.
вЄЇвБ†Though if it comes to persuasionвБ†вАФsaid my fatherвБ†вАФLord have mercy upon them.
Amen: said my mother, piano.
Amen: cried my father, fortissimè.
Amen: said my mother againвБ†вЄЇвБ†but with such a sighing cadence of personal pity at the end of it, as discomfited every fibre about my fatherвБ†вАФhe instantly took out his almanac; but before he could untie it, YorickвАЩs congregation coming out of church, became a full answer to one half of his business with itвБ†вАФand my mother telling him it was a sacrament dayвБ†вАФleft him as little in doubt, as to the other partвБ†вАФHe put his almanac into his pocket.
The first Lord of the Treasury thinking of ways and means, could not have returned home with a more embarrassed look.