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Is it not a shame to make two chapters of what passed in going down one pair of stairs? for we are got no farther yet than to the first landing, and there are fifteen more steps down to the bottom; and for aught I know, as my father and my uncle Toby are in a talking humour, there may be as many chapters as steps:вБ†вЄЇвБ†let that be as it will, Sir, I can no more help it than my destiny:вБ†вАФA sudden impulse comes across meвБ†вЄЇвБ†drop the curtain, ShandyвБ†вЄЇвБ†I drop itвБ†вАФStrike a line here across the paper, TristramвБ†вАФI strike itвБ†вАФand hey for a new chapter.
The deuce of any other rule have I to govern myself by in this affairвБ†вАФand if I had oneвБ†вАФas I do all things out of all ruleвБ†вАФI would twist it and tear it to pieces, and throw it into the fire when I had doneвБ†вАФAm I warm? I am, and the cause demands itвБ†вЄЇвБ†a pretty story! is a man to follow rulesвБ†вЄїor rules to follow him?
Now this, you must know, being my chapter upon chapters, which I promised to write before I went to sleep, I thought it meet to ease my conscience entirely before I laid down, by telling the world all I knew about the matter at once: Is not this ten times better than to set out dogmatically with a sententious parade of wisdom, and telling the world a story of a roasted horseвБ†вЄЇвБ†that chapters relieve the mindвБ†вАФthat they assistвБ†вАФor impose upon the imaginationвБ†вАФand that in a work of this dramatic cast they are as necessary as the shifting of scenesвБ†вЄЇвБ†with fifty other cold conceits, enough to extinguish the fire which roasted him?вБ†вАФO! but to understand this, which is a puff at the fire of DianaвАЩs templeвБ†вАФyou must read LonginusвБ†вАФread awayвБ†вАФif you are not a jot the wiser by reading him the first time overвБ†вАФnever fearвБ†вАФread him againвБ†вАФAvicenna and Licetus read AristotleвАЩs metaphysicks forty times through apiece, and never understood a single word.вБ†вАФBut mark the consequenceвБ†вАФAvicenna turned out a desperate writer at all kinds of writingвБ†вАФfor he wrote books de omni scribili; and for Licetus (Fortunio) though all the world knows he was born a f≈Уtus, of no more than five inches and a half in length, yet he grew to that astonishing height in literature, as to write a book with a title as long as himselfвБ†вЄїthe learned know I mean his Gonopsychanthropologia, upon the origin of the human soul.
So much for my chapter upon chapters, which I hold to be the best chapter in my whole work; and take my word, whoever reads it, is full as well employed, as in picking straws.