V
When a man gives himself up to the government of a ruling passion,вБ†вАФor, in other words, when his Hobbyhorse grows headstrong,вБ†вЄЇвБ†farewel cool reason and fair discretion!
My uncle TobyвАЩs wound was near well, and as soon as the surgeon recovered his surprise, and could get leave to say as muchвБ†вЄЇвБ†he told him, вАЩtwas just beginning to incarnate; and that if no fresh exfoliation happened, which there was no sign of,вБ†вАФit would be dried up in five or six weeks. The sound of as many Olympiads, twelve hours before, would have conveyed an idea of shorter duration to my uncle TobyвАЩs mind.вБ†вЄЇвБ†The succession of his ideas was now rapid,вБ†вАФhe broiled with impatience to put his design in execution;вБ†вЄЇвБ†and so, without consulting farther with any soul living,вБ†вАФwhich, by the by, I think is right, when you are predetermined to take no one soulвАЩs advice,вБ†вЄЇвБ†he privately ordered Trim, his man, to pack up a bundle of lint and dressings, and hire a chariot-and-four to be at the door exactly by twelve oвАЩclock that day, when he knew my father would be upon вАЩChange.вБ†вЄЇвБ†So leaving a banknote upon the table for the surgeonвАЩs care of him, and a letter of tender thanks for his brotherвАЩsвБ†вАФhe packed up his maps, his books of fortification, his instruments, etc., and by the help of a crutch on one side, and Trim on the other,вБ†вЄЇвБ†my uncle Toby embarked for Shandy-Hall.
The reason, or rather the rise of this sudden demigration was as follows:
The table in my uncle TobyвАЩs room, and at which, the night before this change happened, he was sitting with his maps, etc., about himвБ†вАФbeing somewhat of the smallest, for that infinity of great and small instruments of knowledge which usually lay crowded upon itвБ†вАФhe had the accident, in reaching over for his tobacco-box, to throw down his compasses, and in stooping to take the compasses up, with his sleeve he threw down his case of instruments and snuffers;вБ†вАФand as the dice took a run against him, in his endeavouring to catch the snuffers in falling,вБ†вЄЇвБ†he thrust Monsieur Blondel off the table, and Count de Pagan oвАЩtop of him.
вАЩTwas to no purpose for a man, lame as my uncle Toby was, to think of redressing these evils by himself,вБ†вАФhe rung his bell for his man Trim;вБ†вЄїTrim, quoth my uncle Toby, prithee see what confusion I have here been makingвБ†вАФI must have some better contrivance, Trim.вБ†вЄЇвБ†CanвАЩst not thou take my rule, and measure the length and breadth of this table, and then go and bespeak me one as big again?вБ†вЄЇвБ†Yes, anвАЩ please your Honour, replied Trim, making a bow; but I hope your Honour will be soon well enough to get down to your country-seat, where,вБ†вАФas your Honour takes so much pleasure in fortification, we could manage this matter to a T.
I must here inform you, that this servant of my uncle TobyвАЩs, who went by the name of Trim, had been a corporal in my uncleвАЩs own company,вБ†вАФhis real name was James Butler,вБ†вАФbut having got the nickname of Trim in the regiment, my uncle Toby, unless when he happened to be very angry with him, would never call him by any other name.
The poor fellow had been disabled for the service, by a wound on his left knee by a musket-bullet, at the battle of Landen, which was two years before the affair of Namur;вБ†вАФand as the fellow was well-beloved in the regiment, and a handy fellow into the bargain, my uncle Toby took him for his servant; and of an excellent use was he, attending my uncle Toby in the camp and in his quarters as a valet, groom, barber, cook, sempster, and nurse; and indeed, from first to last, waited upon him and served him with great fidelity and affection.
My uncle Toby loved the man in return, and what attached him more to him still, was the similitude of their knowledge.вБ†вЄЇвБ†For Corporal Trim (for so, for the future, I shall call him), by four years occasional attention to his MasterвАЩs discourse upon fortified towns, and the advantage of prying and peeping continually into his MasterвАЩs plans, etc., exclusive and besides what he gained Hobbyhorsically, as a body-servant, Non Hobbyhorsical per se;вБ†вЄЇвБ†had become no mean proficient in the science; and was thought, by the cook and chambermaid, to know as much of the nature of strongholds as my uncle Toby himself.
I have but one more stroke to give to finish Corporal TrimвАЩs character,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and it is the only dark line in it.вБ†вАФThe fellow loved to advise,вБ†вАФor rather to hear himself talk; his carriage, however, was so perfectly respectful, вАЩtwas easy to keep him silent when you had him so; but set his tongue a-going,вБ†вАФyou had no hold of himвБ†вАФhe was voluble;вБ†вАФthe eternal interlardings of your Honour, with the respectfulness of Corporal TrimвАЩs manner, interceding so strong in behalf of his elocution,вБ†вАФthat though you might have been incommoded,вБ†вЄЇвБ†you could not well be angry. My uncle Toby was seldom either the one or the other with him,вБ†вАФor, at least, this fault, in Trim, broke no squares with them. My uncle Toby, as I said, loved the man;вБ†вЄЇвБ†and besides, as he ever looked upon a faithful servant,вБ†вАФbut as an humble friend,вБ†вАФhe could not bear to stop his mouth.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Such was Corporal Trim.
If I durst presume, continued Trim, to give your Honour my advice, and speak my opinion in this matter.вБ†вАФThou art welcome, Trim, quoth my uncle TobyвБ†вАФspeak,вБ†вЄЇвБ†speak what thou thinkest upon the subject, man, without fear. Why then, replied Trim (not hanging his ears and scratching his head like a country-lout, but) stroking his hair back from his forehead, and standing erect as before his division,вБ†вАФI think, quoth Trim, advancing his left, which was his lame leg, a little forwards,вБ†вАФand pointing with his right hand open towards a map of Dunkirk, which was pinned against the hangings,вБ†вЄЇвБ†I think, quoth Corporal Trim, with humble submission to your HonourвАЩs better judgment,вБ†вЄЇвБ†that these ravelins, bastions, curtins, and horn-works, make but a poor, contemptible, fiddle-faddle piece of work of it here upon paper, compared to what your Honour and I could make of it were we in the country by ourselves, and had but a rood, or a rood and a half of ground to do what we pleased with: As summer is coming on, continued Trim, your Honour might sit out of doors, and give me the nographyвБ†вАФ(Call it ichnography, quoth my uncle)вБ†вЄЇвБ†of the town or citadel, your Honour was pleased to sit down before,вБ†вАФand I will be shot by your Honour upon the glacis of it, if I did not fortify it to your HonourвАЩs mindвБ†вЄЇвБ†I dare say thou wouldвАЩst, Trim, quoth my uncle.вБ†вАФFor if your Honour, continued the Corporal, could but mark me the polygon, with its exact lines and anglesвБ†вАФThat I could do very well, quoth my uncle.вБ†вАФI would begin with the foss√©, and if your Honour could tell me the proper depth and breadthвБ†вАФI can to a hairвАЩs breadth, Trim, replied my uncle.вБ†вАФI would throw out the earth upon this hand towards the town for the scarp,вБ†вАФand on that hand towards the campaign for the counterscarp.вБ†вАФVery right, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby:вБ†вЄЇвБ†And when I had sloped them to your mind,вБ†вЄЇвБ†anвАЩ please your Honour, I would face the glacis, as the finest fortifications are done in Flanders, with sods,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and as your Honour knows they should be,вБ†вАФand I would make the walls and parapets with sods too.вБ†вАФThe best engineers call them gazons, Trim, said my uncle Toby.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Whether they are gazons or sods, is not much matter, replied Trim; your Honour knows they are ten times beyond a facing either of brick or stone.вБ†вЄЇвБ†I know they are, Trim, in some respects,вБ†вЄЇвБ†quoth my uncle Toby, nodding his head;вБ†вАФfor a cannonball enters into the gazon right onwards, without bringing any rubbish down with it, which might fill the foss√© (as was the case at St.¬†NicolasвАЩs gate), and facilitate the passage over it.
Your Honour understands these matters, replied Corporal Trim, better than any officer in his MajestyвАЩs service;вБ†вЄЇвБ†but would your Honour please to let the bespeaking of the table alone, and let us but go into the country, I would work under your HonourвАЩs directions like a horse, and make fortifications for you something like a tansy, with all their batteries, saps, ditches, and palisadoes, that it should be worth all the worldвАЩs riding twenty miles to go and see it.
My uncle Toby blushed as red as scarlet as Trim went on;вБ†вАФbut it was not a blush of guilt,вБ†вАФof modesty,вБ†вАФor of anger,вБ†вАФit was a blush of joy;вБ†вАФhe was fired with Corporal TrimвАЩs project and description.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Trim! said my uncle Toby, thou hast said enough.вБ†вАФWe might begin the campaign, continued Trim, on the very day that his Majesty and the Allies take the field, and demolish them town by town as fast asвБ†вАФTrim, quoth my uncle Toby, say no more. Your Honour, continued Trim, might sit in your armchair (pointing to it) this fine weather, giving me your orders, and I wouldвБ†вЄЇвБ†Say no more, Trim, quoth my uncle TobyвБ†вЄЇвБ†Besides, your Honour would get not only pleasure and good pastime,вБ†вАФbut good air, and good exercise, and good health,вБ†вАФand your HonourвАЩs wound would be well in a month. Thou hast said enough, Trim,вБ†вАФquoth my uncle Toby (putting his hand into his breeches-pocket)вБ†вЄЇвБ†I like thy project mightily.вБ†вАФAnd if your Honour pleases, IвАЩll this moment go and buy a pioneerвАЩs spade to take down with us, and IвАЩll bespeak a shovel and a pickaxe, and a couple ofвБ†вЄЇвБ†Say no more, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, leaping up upon one leg, quite overcome with rapture,вБ†вАФand thrusting a guinea into TrimвАЩs hand,вБ†вАФTrim, said my uncle Toby, say no more;вБ†вАФbut go down, Trim, this moment, my lad, and bring up my supper this instant.
Trim ran down and brought up his masterвАЩs supper,вБ†вЄЇвБ†to no purpose:вБ†вАФTrimвАЩs plan of operation ran so in my uncle TobyвАЩs head, he could not taste it.вБ†вАФTrim, quoth my uncle Toby, get me to bed.вБ†вАФвАЩTwas all one.вБ†вАФCorporal TrimвАЩs description had fired his imagination,вБ†вАФmy uncle Toby could not shut his eyes.вБ†вАФThe more he considered it, the more bewitching the scene appeared to him;вБ†вАФso that, two full hours before daylight, he had come to a final determination, and had concerted the whole plan of his and Corporal TrimвАЩs decampment.
My uncle Toby had a little neat country-house of his own, in the village where my fatherвАЩs estate lay at Shandy, which had been left him by an old uncle, with a small estate of about one hundred pounds a-year. Behind this house, and contiguous to it, was a kitchen-garden of about half an acre; and at the bottom of the garden, and cut off from it by a tall yew hedge, was a bowling-green, containing just about as much ground as Corporal Trim wished for;вБ†вАФso that as Trim uttered the words, вАЬA rood and a half of ground to do what they would with,вАЭвБ†вАФthis identical bowling-green instantly presented itself, and became curiously painted all at once, upon the retina of my uncle TobyвАЩs fancy;вБ†вАФwhich was the physical cause of making him change colour, or at least of heightening his blush, to that immoderate degree I spoke of.
Never did lover post down to a beloved mistress with more heat and expectation, than my uncle Toby did, to enjoy this selfsame thing in private;вБ†вАФI say in private;вБ†вАФfor it was sheltered from the house, as I told you, by a tall yew hedge, and was covered on the other three sides, from mortal sight, by rough holly and thickset flowering shrubs:вБ†вАФso that the idea of not being seen, did not a little contribute to the idea of pleasure preconceived in my uncle TobyвАЩs mind.вБ†вАФVain thought! however thick it was planted about,вБ†вЄЇвБ†or private soever it might seem,вБ†вАФto think, dear uncle Toby, of enjoying a thing which took up a whole rood and a half of ground,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and not have it known!
How my uncle Toby and Corporal Trim managed this matter,вБ†вЄЇвБ†with the history of their campaigns, which were no way barren of events,вБ†вЄЇвБ†may make no uninteresting under-plot in the epitasis and working-up of this drama.вБ†вАФAt present the scene must drop,вБ†вАФand change for the parlour fireside.