XXVII
вЄЇвБ†All you need say of Fontainbleau (in case you are askвАЩd) is, that it stands about forty miles (south something) from Paris, in the middle of a large forestвБ†вЄЇвБ†That there is something great in itвБ†вЄЇвБ†That the king goes there once every two or three years, with his whole court, for the pleasure of the chaseвБ†вАФand that, during that carnival of sporting, any English gentleman of fashion (you need not forget yourself) may be accommodated with a nag or two, to partake of the sport, taking care only not to out-gallop the kingвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Though there are two reasons why you need not talk loud of this to everyone.
First, Because вАЩtwill make the said nags the harder to be got; and
Secondly, вАЩTis not a word of it true.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Allons!
As for SensвБ†вЄЇвБ†you may dispatchвБ†вАФin a wordвБ†вЄївАЬвАЩTis an archiepiscopal see.вАЭ
вЄЇвБ†For JoignyвБ†вАФthe less, I think, one says of it the better.
But for AuxerreвБ†вАФI could go on forever: for in my grand tour through Europe, in which, after all, my father (not caring to trust me with anyone) attended me himself, with my uncle Toby, and Trim, and Obadiah, and indeed most of the family, except my mother, who being taken up with a project of knitting my father a pair of large worsted breechesвБ†вАФ(the thing is common sense)вБ†вАФand she not caring to be put out of her way, she stayed at home, at Shandy Hall, to keep things right during the expedition; in which, I say, my father stopping us two days at Auxerre, and his researches being ever of such a nature, that they would have found fruit even in a desertвБ†вЄЇвБ†he has left me enough to say upon Auxerre: in short, wherever my father wentвБ†вЄЇвБ†but вАЩtwas more remarkably so, in this journey through France and Italy, than in any other stages of his lifeвБ†вЄЇвБ†his road seemed to lie so much on one side of that, wherein all other travellers have gone before himвБ†вАФhe saw kings and courts and silks of all colours, in such strange lightsвБ†вЄЇвБ†and his remarks and reasonings upon the characters, the manners, and customs, of the countries we passвАЩd over, were so opposite to those of all other mortal men, particularly those of my uncle Toby and TrimвБ†вАФ(to say nothing of myself)вБ†вАФand to crown allвБ†вАФthe occurrences and scrapes which we were perpetually meeting and getting into, in consequence of his systems and opiniatryвБ†вАФthey were of so odd, so mixвАЩd and tragicomical a contextureвБ†вАФThat the whole put together, it appears of so different a shade and tint from any tour of Europe, which was ever executedвБ†вАФthat I will venture to pronounceвБ†вАФthe fault must be mine and mine onlyвБ†вАФif it be not read by all travellers and travel-readers, till travelling is no more,вБ†вАФor which comes to the same pointвБ†вАФtill the world, finally, takes it into its head to stand still.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†But this rich bale is not to be openвАЩd now; except a small thread or two of it, merely to unravel the mystery of my fatherвАЩs stay at Auxerre.
вЄЇвБ†As I have mentioned itвБ†вАФвАЩtis too slight to be kept suspended; and when вАЩtis wove in, there is an end of it.
WeвАЩll go, brother Toby, said my father, whilst dinner is coddlingвБ†вАФto the abby of Saint Germain, if it be only to see these bodies, of which Monsieur Sequier has given such a recommendation.вБ†вЄЇвБ†IвАЩll go see anybody, quoth my uncle Toby; for he was all compliance through every step of the journeyвБ†вЄЇвБ†Defend me! said my fatherвБ†вАФthey are all mummiesвБ†вЄЇвБ†Then one need not shave; quoth my uncle TobyвБ†вЄЇвБ†Shave! noвБ†вАФcried my fatherвБ†вАФвАЩtwill be more like relations to go with our beards onвБ†вАФSo out we sallied, the corporal lending his master his arm, and bringing up the rear, to the abby of Saint Germain.
Everything is very fine, and very rich, and very superb, and very magnificent, said my father, addressing himself to the sacristan, who was a younger brother of the order of BenedictinesвБ†вАФbut our curiosity has led us to see the bodies, of which Monsieur Sequier has given the world so exact a description.вБ†вАФThe sacristan made a bow, and lighting a torch first, which he had always in the vestry ready for the purpose; he led us into the tomb of St.¬†HeribaldвБ†вЄЇвБ†This, said the sacristan, laying his hand upon the tomb, was a renowned prince of the house of Bavaria, who under the successive reigns of Charlemagne, Louis le Debonnair, and Charles the Bald, bore a great sway in the government, and had a principal hand in bringing everything into order and disciplineвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Then he has been as great, said my uncle, in the field, as in the cabinetвБ†вЄЇвБ†I dare say he has been a gallant soldierвБ†вЄЇвБ†He was a monkвБ†вАФsaid the sacristan.
My uncle Toby and Trim sought comfort in each otherвАЩs facesвБ†вАФbut found it not: my father clapped both his hands upon his codpiece, which was a way he had when anything hugely tickled him: for though he hated a monk and the very smell of a monk worse than all the devils in hellвБ†вЄЇвБ†yet the shot hitting my uncle Toby and Trim so much harder than him, вАЩtwas a relative triumph; and put him into the gayest humour in the world.
вЄЇвБ†And pray what do you call this gentleman? quoth my father, rather sportingly: This tomb, said the young Benedictine, looking downwards, contains the bones of Saint Maxima, who came from Ravenna on purpose to touch the bodyвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†Of Saint Maximus, said my father, popping in with his saint before him,вБ†вАФthey were two of the greatest saints in the whole martyrology, added my fatherвБ†вЄЇвБ†Excuse me, said the sacristanвБ†вЄЇвЄЇвАЩtwas to touch the bones of Saint Germain, the builder of the abbyвБ†вЄЇвБ†And what did she get by it? said my uncle TobyвБ†вЄЇвБ†What does any woman get by it? said my fatherвБ†вЄЇвБ†Martyrdome; replied the young Benedictine, making a bow down to the ground, and uttering the word with so humble but decisive a cadence, it disarmed my father for a moment. вАЩTis supposed, continued the Benedictine, that St.¬†Maxima has lain in this tomb four hundred years, and two hundred before her canonizationвБ†вЄЇвАЩTis but a slow rise, brother Toby, quoth my father, in this selfsame army of martyrs.вБ†вЄЇвБ†A desperate slow one, anвАЩ please your honour, said Trim, unless one could purchaseвБ†вЄЇвБ†I should rather sell out entirely, quoth my uncle TobyвБ†вЄЇвБ†I am pretty much of your opinion, brother Toby, said my father.
вЄЇвБ†Poor St.¬†Maxima! said my uncle Toby low to himself, as we turnвАЩd from her tomb: She was one of the fairest and most beautiful ladies either of Italy or France, continued the sacristanвБ†вЄЇвБ†But who the duce has got lain down here, besides her? quoth my father, pointing with his cane to a large tomb as we walked onвБ†вЄЇвБ†It is Saint Optat, Sir, answered the sacristanвБ†вЄЇвБ†And properly is Saint Optat placвАЩd! said my father: And what is Saint OptatвАЩs story? continued he. Saint Optat, replied the sacristan, was a bishopвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вЄЇвБ†I thought so, by heaven! cried my father, interrupting himвБ†вЄЇвБ†Saint Optat!вБ†вЄЇвБ†how should Saint Optat fail? so snatching out his pocketbook, and the young Benedictine holding him the torch as he wrote, he set it down as a new prop to his system of Christian names, and I will be bold to say, so disinterested was he in the search of truth, that had he found a treasure in Saint OptatвАЩs tomb, it would not have made him half so rich: вАЩTwas as successful a short visit as ever was paid to the dead; and so highly was his fancy pleasвАЩd with all that had passed in it,вБ†вАФthat he determined at once to stay another day in Auxerre.
вАФIвАЩll see the rest of these good gentry tomorrow, said my father, as we crossвАЩd over the squareвБ†вАФAnd while you are paying that visit, brother Shandy, quoth my uncle TobyвБ†вАФthe corporal and I will mount the ramparts.