XXXII
вЄЇвАЩTwas by a poor ass, who had just turned in with a couple of large panniers upon his back, to collect eleemosynary turnip-tops and cabbage-leaves; and stood dubious, with his two forefeet on the inside of the threshold, and with his two hinder feet towards the street, as not knowing very well whether he was to go in or no.
Now, вАЩtis an animal (be in what hurry I may) I cannot bear to strikeвБ†вЄЇвБ†there is a patient endurance of sufferings, wrote so unaffectedly in his looks and carriage, which pleads so mightily for him, that it always disarms me; and to that degree, that I do not like to speak unkindly to him: on the contrary, meet him where I willвБ†вАФwhether in town or countryвБ†вАФin cart or under panniersвБ†вАФwhether in liberty or bondageвБ†вЄЇвБ†I have ever something civil to say to him on my part; and as one word begets another (if he has as little to do as I)вБ†вЄЇвБ†I generally fall into conversation with him; and surely never is my imagination so busy as in framing his responses from the etchings of his countenanceвБ†вАФand where those carry me not deep enoughвБ†вЄЇвБ†in flying from my own heart into his, and seeing what is natural for an ass to thinkвБ†вАФas well as a man, upon the occasion. In truth, it is the only creature of all the classes of beings below me, with whom I can do this: for parrots, jackdaws, etc.вБ†вЄЇвБ†I never exchange a word with themвБ†вЄЇвБ†nor with the apes, etc., for pretty near the same reason; they act by rote, as the others speak by it, and equally make me silent: nay my dog and my cat, though I value them bothвБ†вЄЇ(and for my dog he would speak if he could)вБ†вАФyet somehow or other, they neither of them possess the talents for conversationвБ†вЄЇвБ†I can make nothing of a discourse with them, beyond the proposition, the reply, and rejoinder, which terminated my fatherвАЩs and my motherвАЩs conversations, in his beds of justiceвБ†вЄЇвБ†and those utterвАЩdвБ†вЄЇвБ†thereвАЩs an end of the dialogueвБ†вЄЇвБ†
вАФBut with an ass, I can commune forever.
Come, Honesty! said I,вБ†вЄЇвБ†seeing it was impracticable to pass betwixt him and the gateвБ†вЄЇвБ†art thou for coming in, or going out?
The ass twisted his head round to look up the streetвБ†вЄЇвБ†
WellвБ†вАФreplied IвБ†вАФweвАЩll wait a minute for thy driver:
вЄЇвБ†He turned his head thoughtful about, and looked wistfully the opposite wayвБ†вЄЇвБ†
I understand thee perfectly, answered IвБ†вЄЇвБ†If thou takest a wrong step in this affair, he will cudgel thee to deathвБ†вЄЇвБ†Well! a minute is but a minute, and if it saves a fellow-creature a drubbing, it shall not be set down as ill spent.
He was eating the stem of an artichoke as this discourse went on, and in the little peevish contentions of nature betwixt hunger and unsavouriness, had dropt it out of his mouth half a dozen times, and pickвАЩd it up againвБ†вЄЇвБ†God help thee, Jack! said I, thou hast a bitter breakfast onвАЩtвБ†вАФand many a bitter dayвАЩs labour,вБ†вАФand many a bitter blow, I fear, for its wagesвБ†вЄЇвАЩtis allвБ†вАФall bitterness to thee, whatever life is to others.вБ†вЄЇвБ†And now thy mouth, if one knew the truth of it, is as bitter, I dare say, as sootвБ†вАФ(for he had cast aside the stem) and thou hast not a friend perhaps in all this world, that will give thee a macaroon.вБ†вЄЇвБ†In saying this, I pullвАЩd out a paper of вАЩem, which I had just purchased, and gave him oneвБ†вАФand at this moment that I am telling it, my heart smites me, that there was more of pleasantry in the conceit, of seeing how an ass would eat a macaroonвБ†вЄЇвБ†than of benevolence in giving him one, which presided in the act.
When the ass had eaten his macaroon, I pressвАЩd him to come inвБ†вАФthe poor beast was heavy loadedвБ†вЄЇвБ†his legs seemвАЩd to tremble under himвБ†вЄЇвБ†he hung rather backwards, and as I pullвАЩd at his halter, it broke short in my handвБ†вЄЇвБ†he lookвАЩd up pensive in my faceвБ†вАФвАЬDonвАЩt thrash me with itвБ†вАФbut if you will, you mayвАЭвБ†вЄЇвБ†If I do, said I, IвАЩll be dвБ†вЄЇвБ†d.
The word was but one-half of it pronounced, like the abbess of Ando√ЉilletsвАЩвБ†вАФ(so there was no sin in it)вБ†вАФwhen a person coming in, let fall a thundering bastinado upon the poor devilвАЩs crupper, which put an end to the ceremony.
Out upon it!
cried IвБ†вЄЇвБ†but the interjection was equivocalвБ†вЄЇвБ†and, I think, wrong placed tooвБ†вАФfor the end of an osier which had started out from the contexture of the assвАЩs pannier, had caught hold of my breeches pocket, as he rushвАЩd by me, and rent it in the most disastrous direction you can imagineвБ†вЄЇвБ†so that the
Out upon it! in my opinion, should have come in hereвБ†вЄЇвБ†but this I leave to be settled by
The
reviewers
of
my breeches,
which I have brought over along with me for that purpose.