XXXII
There will be just time, whilst my uncle Toby and Trim are walking to my fatherвАЩs, to inform you that Mrs.¬†Wadman had, some moons before this, made a confident of my mother; and that Mrs.¬†Bridget, who had the burden of her own, as well as her mistressвАЩs secret to carry, had got happily delivered of both to Susannah behind the garden-wall.
As for my mother, she saw nothing at all in it, to make the least bustle aboutвБ†вЄЇвБ†but Susannah was sufficient by herself for all the ends and purposes you could possibly have, in exporting a family secret; for she instantly imparted it by signs to JonathanвБ†вЄЇвБ†and Jonathan by tokens to the cook as she was basting a loin of mutton; the cook sold it with some kitchen-fat to the postillion for a groat, who truckвАЩd it with the dairy maid for something of about the same valueвБ†вЄЇвБ†and though whisperвАЩd in the hayloft, Fame caught the notes with her brazen trumpet, and sounded them upon the housetopвБ†вАФIn a word, not an old woman in the village or five miles round, who did not understand the difficulties of my uncle TobyвАЩs siege, and what were the secret articles which had delayed the surrender.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
My father, whose way was to force every event in nature into an hypothesis, by which means never man crucified Truth at the rate he didвБ†вЄЇвБ†had but just heard of the report as my uncle Toby set out; and catching fire suddenly at the trespass done his brother by it, was demonstrating to Yorick, notwithstanding my mother was sitting byвБ†вЄЇвБ†not only, вАЬThat the devil was in women, and that the whole of the affair was lust;вАЭ but that every evil and disorder in the world, of what kind or nature soever, from the first fall of Adam, down to my uncle TobyвАЩs (inclusive), was owing one way or other to the same unruly appetite.
Yorick was just bringing my fatherвАЩs hypothesis to some temper, when my uncle Toby entering the room with marks of infinite benevolence and forgiveness in his looks, my fatherвАЩs eloquence rekindled against the passionвБ†вЄЇвБ†and as he was not very nice in the choice of his words when he was wrothвБ†вЄЇвБ†as soon as my uncle Toby was seated by the fire, and had filled his pipe, my father broke out in this manner.