IX
Imagine to yourself a little squat, uncourtly figure of a Doctor Slop, of about four feet and a half perpendicular height, with a breadth of back, and a sesquipedality of belly, which might have done honour to a serjeant in the horse-guards.
Such were the outlines of Dr.¬†SlopвАЩs figure, which,вБ†вАФif you have read HogarthвАЩs analysis of beauty, and if you have not, I wish you would;вБ†вЄЇвБ†you must know, may as certainly be caricatured, and conveyed to the mind by three strokes as three hundred.
Imagine such a one,вБ†вЄЇвБ†for such, I say, were the outlines of Dr.¬†SlopвАЩs figure, coming slowly along, foot by foot, waddling throвАЩ the dirt upon the vertebrae of a little diminutive pony, of a pretty colourвБ†вЄЇвБ†but of strength,вБ†вЄЇвБ†alack!вБ†вЄЇвБ†scarce able to have made an amble of it, under such a fardel, had the roads been in an ambling condition.вБ†вЄЇвБ†They were not.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Imagine to yourself, Obadiah mounted upon a strong monster of a coach-horse, pricked into a full gallop, and making all practicable speed the adverse way.
Pray, Sir, let me interest you a moment in this description.
Had Dr.¬†Slop beheld Obadiah a mile off, posting in a narrow lane directly towards him, at that monstrous rate,вБ†вАФsplashing and plunging like a devil throвАЩ thick and thin, as he approached, would not such a ph√¶nomenon, with such a vortex of mud and water moving along with it, round its axis,вБ†вАФhave been a subject of juster apprehension to Dr.¬†Slop in his situation, than the worst of WhistonвАЩs comets?вБ†вАФTo say nothing of the Nucleus; that is, of Obadiah and the coach-horse.вБ†вАФIn my idea, the vortex alone of вАЩem was enough to have involved and carried, if not the doctor, at least the doctorвАЩs pony, quite away with it. What then do you think must the terror and hydrophobia of Dr.¬†Slop have been, when you read (which you are just going to do) that he was advancing thus warily along towards Shandy-Hall, and had approached to within sixty yards of it, and within five yards of a sudden turn, made by an acute angle of the garden-wall,вБ†вАФand in the dirtiest part of a dirty lane,вБ†вАФwhen Obadiah and his coach-horse turned the corner, rapid, furious,вБ†вАФpop,вБ†вАФfull upon him!вБ†вАФNothing, I think, in nature, can be supposed more terrible than such a rencounter,вБ†вАФso imprompt! so ill prepared to stand the shock of it as Dr.¬†Slop was.
What could Dr.¬†Slop do?вБ†вЄЇвБ†he crossed himself +вБ†вАФPugh!вБ†вАФbut the doctor, Sir, was a Papist.вБ†вАФNo matter; he had better have kept hold of the pummelвБ†вАФHe had so;вБ†вАФnay, as it happened, he had better have done nothing at all; for in crossing himself he let go his whip,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and in attempting to save his whip betwixt his knee and his saddleвАЩs skirt, as it slipped, he lost his stirrup,вБ†вЄЇвБ†in losing which he lost his seat;вБ†вЄЇвБ†and in the multitude of all these losses (which, by the by, shows what little advantage there is in crossing) the unfortunate doctor lost his presence of mind. So that without waiting for ObadiahвАЩs onset, he left his pony to its destiny, tumbling off it diagonally, something in the stile and manner of a pack of wool, and without any other consequence from the fall, save that of being left (as it would have been) with the broadest part of him sunk about twelve inches deep in the mire.
Obadiah pullвАЩd off his cap twice to Dr.¬†Slop;вБ†вАФonce as he was falling,вБ†вАФand then again when he saw him seated.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Ill-timed complaisance;вБ†вАФhad not the fellow better have stopped his horse, and got off and helpвАЩd him?вБ†вАФSir, he did all that his situation would allow;вБ†вАФbut the Momentum of the coach-horse was so great, that Obadiah could not do it all at once; he rode in a circle three times round Dr.¬†Slop, before he could fully accomplish it anyhow;вБ†вАФand at the last, when he did stop his beast, вАЩtwas done with such an explosion of mud, that Obadiah had better have been a league off. In short, never was a Dr.¬†Slop so beluted, and so transubstantiated, since that affair came into fashion.