IV
I know there are readers in the world, as well as many other good people in it, who are no readers at all, who find themselves ill at ease, unless they are let into the whole secret from first to last, of everything which concerns you.
It is in pure compliance with this humour of theirs, and from a backwardness in my nature to disappoint any one soul living, that I have been so very particular already. As my life and opinions are likely to make some noise in the world, and, if I conjecture right, will take in all ranks, professions, and denominations of men whatever,вБ†вАФbe no less read than the PilgrimвАЩs Progress itselfвБ†вАФand in the end, prove the very thing which Montaigne dreaded his Essays should turn out, that is, a book for a parlour-window;вБ†вАФI find it necessary to consult every one a little in his turn; and therefore must beg pardon for going on a little farther in the same way: For which cause, right glad I am, that I have begun the history of myself in the way I have done; and that I am able to go on, tracing everything in it, as Horace says, ab Ovo.
Horace, I know, does not recommend this fashion altogether: But that gentleman is speaking only of an epic poem or a tragedy;вБ†вАФ(I forget which),вБ†вАФbesides, if it was not so, I should beg Mr.¬†HoraceвАЩs pardon;вБ†вАФfor in writing what I have set about, I shall confine myself neither to his rules, nor to any manвАЩs rules that ever lived.
To such, however, as do not choose to go so far back into these things, I can give no better advice, than that they skip over the remaining part of this chapter; for I declare beforehand, вАЩtis wrote only for the curious and inquisitive.
Shut the door. I was begot in the night, betwixt the first Sunday and the first Monday in the month of March, in the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and eighteen. I am positive I was.вБ†вАФBut how I came to be so very particular in my account of a thing which happened before I was born, is owing to another small anecdote known only in our own family, but now made publick for the better clearing up this point.
My father, you must know, who was originally a Turkey merchant, but had left off business for some years, in order to retire to, and die upon, his paternal estate in the county of вЄї, was, I believe, one of the most regular men in everything he did, whether вАЩtwas matter of business, or matter of amusement, that ever lived. As a small specimen of this extreme exactness of his, to which he was in truth a slave,вБ†вАФhe had made it a rule for many years of his life,вБ†вАФon the first Sunday-night of every month throughout the whole year,вБ†вАФas certain as ever the Sunday-night came,вБ†вЄЇвБ†to wind up a large house-clock, which we had standing on the backstairs head, with his own hands:вБ†вАФAnd being somewhere between fifty and sixty years of age at the time I have been speaking of,вБ†вАФhe had likewise gradually brought some other little family concernments to the same period, in order, as he would often say to my uncle Toby, to get them all out of the way at one time, and be no more plagued and pestered with them the rest of the month.
It was attended but with one misfortune, which, in a great measure, fell upon myself, and the effects of which I fear I shall carry with me to my grave; namely, that from an unhappy association of ideas, which have no connection in nature, it so fell out at length, that my poor mother could never hear the said clock wound up,вБ†вЄЇвБ†but the thoughts of some other things unavoidably popped into her headвБ†вАФand vice versa:вБ†вЄЇвБ†Which strange combination of ideas, the sagacious Locke, who certainly understood the nature of these things better than most men, affirms to have produced more wry actions than all other sources of prejudice whatsoever.
But this by the by.
Now it appears by a memorandum in my fatherвАЩs pocketbook, which now lies upon the table, вАЬThat on Lady-day, which was on the 25th of the same month in which I date my geniture,вБ†вЄЇвБ†my father set out upon his journey to London, with my eldest brother Bobby, to fix him at Westminster school;вАЭ and, as it appears from the same authority, вАЬThat he did not get down to his wife and family till the second week in May following,вАЭвБ†вАФit brings the thing almost to a certainty. However, what follows in the beginning of the next chapter, puts it beyond all possibility of doubt.
вЄїBut pray, Sir, What was your father doing all December, January, and February?вБ†вЄЇвБ†Why, Madam,вБ†вАФhe was all that time afflicted with a Sciatica.