V
You see вАЩtis high time, said my father, addressing himself equally to my uncle Toby and Yorick, to take this young creature out of these womenвАЩs hands, and put him into those of a private governor. Marcus Antoninus provided fourteen governors all at once to superintend his son CommodusвАЩs education,вБ†вАФand in six weeks he cashiered five of them;вБ†вАФI know very well, continued my father, that CommodusвАЩs mother was in love with a gladiator at the time of her conception, which accounts for a great many of CommodusвАЩs cruelties when he became emperor;вБ†вАФbut still I am of opinion, that those five whom Antoninus dismissed, did CommodusвАЩs temper, in that short time, more hurt than the other nine were able to rectify all their lives long.
Now as I consider the person who is to be about my son, as the mirror in which he is to view himself from morning to night, and by which he is to adjust his looks, his carriage, and perhaps the inmost sentiments of his heart;вБ†вАФI would have one, Yorick, if possible, polished at all points, fit for my child to look into.вБ†вЄЇвБ†This is very good sense, quoth my uncle Toby to himself.
вЄЇвБ†There is, continued my father, a certain mien and motion of the body and all its parts, both in acting and speaking, which argues a man well within; and I am not at all surprised that Gregory of Nazianzum, upon observing the hasty and untoward gestures of Julian, should foretel he would one day become an apostate;вБ†вЄЇвБ†or that St.¬†Ambrose should turn his Amanuensis out of doors, because of an indecent motion of his head, which went backwards and forwards like a flail;вБ†вЄЇвБ†or that Democritus should conceive Protagoras to be a scholar, from seeing him bind up a faggot, and thrusting, as he did it, the small twigs inwards.вБ†вЄЇвБ†There are a thousand unnoticed openings, continued my father, which let a penetrating eye at once into a manвАЩs soul; and I maintain it, added he, that a man of sense does not lay down his hat in coming into a room,вБ†вАФor take it up in going out of it, but something escapes, which discovers him.
It is for these reasons, continued my father, that the governor I make choice of shall neither lisp, or squint, or wink, or talk loud, or look fierce, or foolish;вБ†вЄЇвБ†or bite his lips, or grind his teeth, or speak through his nose, or pick it, or blow it with his fingers.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
He shall neither walk fast,вБ†вАФor slow, or fold his arms,вБ†вАФfor that is laziness;вБ†вАФor hang them down,вБ†вАФfor that is folly; or hide them in his pocket, for that is nonsense.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
He shall neither strike, or pinch, or tickle,вБ†вАФor bite, or cut his nails, or hawk, or spit, or snift, or drum with his feet or fingers in company;вБ†вЄЇвБ†nor (according to Erasmus) shall he speak to anyone in making water,вБ†вАФnor shall he point to carrion or excrement.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Now this is all nonsense again, quoth my uncle Toby to himself.вБ†вЄЇвБ†
I will have him, continued my father, cheerful, facet√©, jovial; at the same time, prudent, attentive to business, vigilant, acute, argute, inventive, quick in resolving doubts and speculative questions;вБ†вЄЇвБ†he shall be wise, and judicious, and learned:вБ†вЄЇвБ†And why not humble, and moderate, and gentle-tempered, and good? said Yorick:вБ†вЄЇвБ†And why not, cried my uncle Toby, free, and generous, and bountiful, and brave?вБ†вЄЇвБ†He shall, my dear Toby, replied my father, getting up and shaking him by the hand.вБ†вАФThen, brother Shandy, answered my uncle Toby, raising himself off the chair, and laying down his pipe to take hold of my fatherвАЩs other hand,вБ†вАФI humbly beg I may recommend poor Le FeverвАЩs son to you;вБ†вЄЇвБ†a tear of joy of the first water sparkled in my uncle TobyвАЩs eye, and another, the fellow to it, in the corporalвАЩs, as the proposition was made;вБ†вЄЇвБ†you will see why when you read Le FeverвАЩs story:вБ†вЄЇвБ†fool that I was! nor can I recollect (nor perhaps you) without turning back to the place, what it was that hindered me from letting the corporal tell it in his own words;вБ†вАФbut the occasion is lost,вБ†вАФI must tell it now in my own.