XXXI
вЄЇвБ†I think it a very unreasonable demandвБ†вАФcried my great-grandfather, twisting up the paper, and throwing it upon the table.вБ†вЄЇвБ†By this account, madam, you have but two thousand pounds fortune, and not a shilling moreвБ†вАФand you insist upon having three hundred pounds a year jointure for it.вБ†вЄї
вАФвАЬBecause,вАЭ replied my great-grandmother, вАЬyou have little or no nose, Sir.вАЭвБ†вАФ
Now before I venture to make use of the word Nose a second timeвБ†вАФto avoid all confusion in what will be said upon it, in this interesting part of my story, it may not be amiss to explain my own meaning, and define, with all possible exactness and precision, what I would willingly be understood to mean by the term: being of opinion, that вАЩtis owing to the negligence and perverseness of writers in despising this precaution, and to nothing elseвБ†вЄЇвБ†that all the polemical writings in divinity are not as clear and demonstrative as those upon a Will oвАЩ the Wisp, or any other sound part of philosophy, and natural pursuit; in order to which, what have you to do, before you set out, unless you intend to go puzzling on to the day of judgmentвБ†вЄЇвБ†but to give the world a good definition, and stand to it, of the main word you have most occasion forвБ†вЄЇвБ†changing it, Sir, as you would a guinea, into small coin?вБ†вАФwhich doneвБ†вАФlet the father of confusion puzzle you, if he can; or put a different idea either into your head, or your readerвАЩs head, if he knows how.
In books of strict morality and close reasoning, such as this I am engaged inвБ†вАФthe neglect is inexcusable; and Heaven is witness, how the world has revenged itself upon me for leaving so many openings to equivocal stricturesвБ†вАФand for depending so much as I have done, all along, upon the cleanliness of my readersвАЩ imaginations.
вЄЇвБ†Here are two senses, cried Eugenius, as we walkвАЩd along, pointing with the forefinger of his right hand to the word Crevice, in the one hundred and seventy-eighth page of the first volume of this book of books;вБ†вЄїhere are two sensesвБ†вАФquoth heвБ†вАФAnd here are two roads, replied I, turning short upon himвБ†вЄЇвБ†a dirty and a clean oneвБ†вЄЇвБ†which shall we take?вБ†вАФThe clean, by all means, replied Eugenius. Eugenius, said I, stepping before him, and laying my hand upon his breastвБ†вЄЇвБ†to defineвБ†вАФis to distrust.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Thus I triumphвАЩd over Eugenius; but I triumphвАЩd over him as I always do, like a fool.вБ†вЄЇвАЩTis my comfort, however, I am not an obstinate one: therefore
I define a nose as followsвБ†вАФintreating only beforehand, and beseeching my readers, both male and female, of what age, complexion, and condition soever, for the love of God and their own souls, to guard against the temptations and suggestions of the devil, and suffer him by no art or wile to put any other ideas into their minds, than what I put into my definitionвБ†вАФFor by the word Nose, throughout all this long chapter of noses, and in every other part of my work, where the word Nose occursвБ†вАФI declare, by that word I mean a nose, and nothing more, or less.