XXXI + 

Now my uncle Toby had one evening laid down his pipe upon the table, and was counting over to himself upon his finger ends (beginning at his thumb) all Mrs.¬†WadmanвАЩs perfections one by one; and happening two or three times together, either by omitting some, or counting others twice over, to puzzle himself sadly before he could get beyond his middle fingerвБ†вЄЇвБ†Prithee, Trim! said he, taking up his pipe again,вБ†вЄЇвБ†bring me a pen and ink: Trim brought paper also. + 

Take a full sheetвБ†вЄЇвБ†Trim! said my uncle Toby, making a sign with his pipe at the same time to take a chair and sit down close by him at the table. The corporal obeyedвБ†вЄЇвБ†placed the paper directly before himвБ†вЄЇвБ†took a pen, and dippвАЩd it in the ink. + 

вАФShe has a thousand virtues, Trim! said my uncle TobyвБ†вЄЇвБ† + 

Am I to set them down, anвАЩ please your honour? quoth the corporal. + 

вЄЇвБ†But they must be taken in their ranks, replied my uncle Toby; for of them all, Trim, that which wins me most, and which is a security for all the rest, is the compassionate turn and singular humanity of her characterвБ†вАФI protest, added my uncle Toby, looking up, as he protested it, towards the top of the ceilingвБ†вЄЇвБ†That was I her brother, Trim, a thousand fold, she could not make more constant or more tender enquiries after my sufferingsвБ†вЄЇвБ†though now no more. + 

The corporal made no reply to my uncle TobyвАЩs protestation, but by a short coughвБ†вАФhe dippвАЩd the pen a second time into the inkhorn; and my uncle Toby, pointing with the end of his pipe as close to the top of the sheet at the left hand corner of it, as he could get itвБ†вЄЇвБ†the corporal wrote down the word humanity -¬†-¬†-¬†- thus. + 

Prithee, corporal, said my uncle Toby, as soon as Trim had done itвБ†вЄїhow often does Mrs.¬†Bridget enquire after the wound on the cap of thy knee, which thou receivedвАЩst at the battle of Landen? + 

She never, anвАЩ please your honour, enquires after it at all. + 

That, corporal, said my uncle Toby, with all the triumph the goodness of his nature would permitвБ†вЄЇвБ†That shows the difference in the character of the mistress and maidвБ†вЄЇвБ†had the fortune of war allotted the same mischance to me, Mrs.¬†Wadman would have enquired into every circumstance relating to it a hundred timesвБ†вЄЇвБ†She would have enquired, anвАЩ please your honour, ten times as often about your honourвАЩs groinвБ†вЄЇвБ†The pain, Trim, is equally excruciating,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and Compassion has as much to do with the one as the otherвБ†вЄЇвБ† + 

вЄЇвБ†God bless your honour! cried the corporalвБ†вЄЇвБ†what has a womanвАЩs compassion to do with a wound upon the cap of a manвАЩs knee? had your honourвАЩs been shot into ten thousand splinters at the affair of Landen, Mrs.¬†Wadman would have troubled her head as little about it as Bridget; because, added the corporal, lowering his voice, and speaking very distinctly, as he assigned his reasonвБ†вЄЇвБ† + 

вАЬThe knee is such a distance from the main bodyвБ†вЄЇвБ†whereas the groin, your honour knows, is upon the very curtain of the place.вАЭ + 

My uncle Toby gave a long whistleвБ†вЄЇвБ†but in a note which could scarce be heard across the table. + 

The corporal had advanced too far to retireвБ†вЄЇвБ†in three words he told the restвБ†вЄЇвБ† + 

My uncle Toby laid down his pipe as gently upon the fender, as if it had been spun from the unravellings of a spiderвАЩs webвБ†вЄЇвБ† + 

вЄїLet us go to my brother ShandyвАЩs, said he. + 