XIV
As I never had any intention of beginning the Digression I am making all this preparation for, till I come to the 15th chapterвБ†вЄЇвБ†I have this chapter to put to whatever use I think properвБ†вЄЇвБ†I have twenty this moment ready for itвБ†вЄЇвБ†I could write my chapter of Buttonholes in itвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Or my chapter of Pishes, which should follow themвБ†вЄЇвБ†
Or my chapter of Knots, in case their reverences have done with themвБ†вЄЇвБ†they might lead me into mischief: the safest way is to follow the track of the learned, and raise objections against what I have been writing, though I declare beforehand, I know no more than my heels how to answer them.
And first, it may be said, there is a pelting kind of thersitical satire, as black as the very ink вАЩtis wrote withвБ†вЄЇ(and by the by, whoever says so, is indebted to the muster-master general of the Grecian army, for suffering the name of so ugly and foul-mouthвАЩd a man as Thersites to continue upon his rollвБ†вЄЇвБ†for it has furnishвАЩd him with an epithet)вБ†вЄЇвБ†in these productions he will urge, all the personal washings and scrubbings upon earth do a sinking genius no sort of goodвБ†вЄЇвБ†but just the contrary, inasmuch as the dirtier the fellow is, the better generally he succeeds in it.
To this, I have no other answerвБ†вЄЇвБ†at least readyвБ†вЄЇвБ†but that the Archbishop of Benevento wrote his nasty Romance of the Galatea, as all the world knows, in a purple coat, waistcoat, and purple pair of breeches; and that the penance set him of writing a commentary upon the book of the Revelations, as severe as it was lookвАЩd upon by one part of the world, was far from being deemвАЩd so by the other, upon the single account of that Investment.
Another objection, to all this remedy, is its want of universality; forasmuch as the shaving part of it, upon which so much stress is laid, by an unalterable law of nature excludes one half of the species entirely from its use: all I can say is, that female writers, whether of England, or of France, must eвАЩen go without itвБ†вЄї
As for the Spanish ladiesвБ†вЄЇвБ†I am in no sort of distressвБ†вЄЇвБ†