XII
Your sudden and unexpected arrival, quoth my uncle Toby, addressing himself to Dr.¬†Slop (all three of them sitting down to the fire together, as my uncle Toby began to speak)вБ†вАФinstantly brought the great Stevinus into my head, who, you must know, is a favourite author with me.вБ†вАФThen, added my father, making use of the argument Ad Crumenam,вБ†вАФI will lay twenty guineas to a single crown-piece (which will serve to give away to Obadiah when he gets back) that this same Stevinus was some engineer or other,вБ†вАФor has wrote something or other, either directly or indirectly, upon the science of fortification.
He has so,вБ†вАФreplied my uncle Toby.вБ†вАФI knew it, said my father, though, for the soul of me, I cannot see what kind of connection there can be betwixt Dr.¬†SlopвАЩs sudden coming, and a discourse upon fortification;вБ†вАФyet I fearвАЩd it.вБ†вАФTalk of what we will, brother,вБ†вЄЇвБ†or let the occasion be never so foreign or unfit for the subject,вБ†вАФyou are sure to bring it in. I would not, brother Toby, continued my father,вБ†вЄїI declare I would not have my head so full of curtins and hornworks.вБ†вАФThat I dare say you would not, quoth Dr.¬†Slop, interrupting him, and laughing most immoderately at his pun.
Dennis the critic could not detest and abhor a pun, or the insinuation of a pun, more cordially than my father;вБ†вАФhe would grow testy upon it at any time;вБ†вАФbut to be broke in upon by one, in a serious discourse, was as bad, he would say, as a fillip upon the nose;вБ†вЄЇвБ†he saw no difference.
Sir, quoth my uncle Toby, addressing himself to Dr.¬†Slop,вБ†вАФthe curtins my brother Shandy mentions here, have nothing to do with bedsteads;вБ†вАФthough, I know Du Cange says, вАЬThat bed-curtains, in all probability, have taken their name from them;вАЭвБ†вАФnor have the hornworks he speaks of, anything in the world to do with the horn-works of cuckoldom:вБ†вАФBut the Curtin, Sir, is the word we use in fortification, for that part of the wall or rampart which lies between the two bastions and joins themвБ†вАФBesiegers seldom offer to carry on their attacks directly against the curtin, for this reason, because they are so well flanked. (вАЩTis the case of other curtains, quoth Dr.¬†Slop, laughing.) However, continued my uncle Toby, to make them sure, we generally choose to place ravelins before them, taking care only to extend them beyond the foss√© or ditch:вБ†вЄЇвБ†The common men, who know very little of fortification, confound the ravelin and the half-moon together,вБ†вАФthough they are very different things;вБ†вАФnot in their figure or construction, for we make them exactly alike, in all points;вБ†вАФfor they always consist of two faces, making a salient angle, with the gorges, not straight, but in form of a crescent:вБ†вЄЇвБ†Where then lies the difference? (quoth my father, a little testily).вБ†вАФIn their situations, answered my uncle Toby:вБ†вАФFor when a ravelin, brother, stands before the curtin, it is a ravelin; and when a ravelin stands before a bastion, then the ravelin is not a ravelin;вБ†вАФit is a half-moon;вБ†вАФa half-moon likewise is a half-moon, and no more, so long as it stands before its bastion;вБ†вЄЇвБ†but was it to change place, and get before the curtin,вБ†вАФвАЩtwould be no longer a half-moon; a half-moon, in that case, is not a half-moon;вБ†вАФвАЩtis no more than a ravelin.вБ†вЄЇвБ†I think, quoth my father, that the noble science of defence has its weak sidesвБ†вЄЇвБ†as well as others.
вАФAs for the horn-work (high! ho! sighвАЩd my father) which, continued my uncle Toby, my brother was speaking of, they are a very considerable part of an outwork;вБ†вЄЇвБ†they are called by the French engineers, Ouvrage √† corne, and we generally make them to cover such places as we suspect to be weaker than the rest;вБ†вАФвАЩtis formed by two epaulments or demi-bastionsвБ†вАФthey are very pretty,вБ†вАФand if you will take a walk, IвАЩll engage to show you one well worth your trouble.вБ†вАФI own, continued my uncle Toby, when we crown them,вБ†вАФthey are much stronger, but then they are very expensive, and take up a great deal of ground, so that, in my opinion, they are most of use to cover or defend the head of a camp; otherwise the double tenailleвБ†вАФBy the mother who bore us!вБ†вЄЇвБ†brother Toby, quoth my father, not able to hold out any longer,вБ†вЄЇвБ†you would provoke a saint;вБ†вЄЇвБ†here have you got us, I know not how, not only souse into the middle of the old subject again:вБ†вАФBut so full is your head of these confounded works, that though my wife is this moment in the pains of labour, and you hear her cry out, yet nothing will serve you but to carry off the man-midwife.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Accoucheur,вБ†вАФif you please, quoth Dr.¬†Slop.вБ†вЄЇвБ†With all my heart, replied my father, I donвАЩt care what they call you,вБ†вАФbut I wish the whole science of fortification, with all its inventors, at the devil;вБ†вАФit has been the death of thousands,вБ†вАФand it will be mine in the end,вБ†вАФI would not, I would not, brother Toby, have my brains so full of saps, mines, blinds, gabions, pallisadoes, ravelins, half-moons, and such trumpery, to be proprietor of Namur, and of all the towns in Flanders with it.
My uncle Toby was a man patient of injuries;вБ†вАФnot from want of courage,вБ†вАФI have told you in a former chapter, вАЬthat he was a man of courage:вАЭвБ†вАФAnd will add here, that where just occasions presented, or called it forth,вБ†вАФI know no man under whose arm I would have sooner taken shelter;вБ†вЄЇвБ†nor did this arise from any insensibility or obtuseness of his intellectual parts;вБ†вАФfor he felt this insult of my fatherвАЩs as feelingly as a man could do;вБ†вАФbut he was of a peaceful, placid nature,вБ†вАФno jarring element in it,вБ†вАФall was mixed up so kindly within him; my uncle Toby had scarce a heart to retaliate upon a fly.
вАФGoвБ†вАФsays he, one day at dinner, to an overgrown one which had buzzed about his nose, and tormented him cruelly all dinnertime,вБ†вАФand which after infinite attempts, he had caught at last, as it flew by him;вБ†вАФIвАЩll not hurt thee, says my uncle Toby, rising from his chair, and going across the room, with the fly in his hand,вБ†вЄЇвБ†IвАЩll not hurt a hair of thy head:вБ†вАФGo, says he, lifting up the sash, and opening his hand as he spoke, to let it escape;вБ†вАФgo, poor devil, get thee gone, why should I hurt thee?вБ†вЄЇвБ†This world surely is wide enough to hold both thee and me.
I was but ten years old when this happened: but whether it was, that the action itself was more in unison to my nerves at that age of pity, which instantly set my whole frame into one vibration of most pleasurable sensation;вБ†вАФor how far the manner and expression of it might go towards it;вБ†вАФor in what degree, or by what secret magick,вБ†вАФa tone of voice and harmony of movement, attuned by mercy, might find a passage to my heart, I know not;вБ†вАФthis I know, that the lesson of universal goodwill then taught and imprinted by my uncle Toby, has never since been worn out of my mind: And though I would not depreciate what the study of the Literae humaniores, at the university, have done for me in that respect, or discredit the other helps of an expensive education bestowed upon me, both at home and abroad since;вБ†вАФyet I often think that I owe one half of my philanthropy to that one accidental impression.
вШЮ This is to serve for parents and governors instead of a whole volume upon the subject.
I could not give the reader this stroke in my uncle TobyвАЩs picture, by the instrument with which I drew the other parts of it,вБ†вАФthat taking in no more than the mere Hobbyhorsical likeness:вБ†вЄЇвБ†this is a part of his moral character. My father, in this patient endurance of wrongs, which I mention, was very different, as the reader must long ago have noted; he had a much more acute and quick sensibility of nature, attended with a little soreness of temper; though this never transported him to anything which looked like malignancy:вБ†вАФyet in the little rubs and vexations of life, вАЩtwas apt to show itself in a drollish and witty kind of peevishness:вБ†вЄЇвБ†He was, however, frank and generous in his nature;вБ†вЄЇвБ†at all times open to conviction; and in the little ebullitions of this subacid humour towards others, but particularly towards my uncle Toby, whom he truly loved:вБ†вЄЇвБ†he would feel more pain, ten times told (except in the affair of my aunt Dinah, or where an hypothesis was concerned) than what he ever gave.
The characters of the two brothers, in this view of them, reflected light upon each other, and appeared with great advantage in this affair which arose about Stevinus.
I need not tell the reader, if he keeps a Hobbyhorse,вБ†вЄЇвБ†that a manвАЩs Hobbyhorse is as tender a part as he has about him; and that these unprovoked strokes at my uncle TobyвАЩs could not be unfelt by him.вБ†вЄЇвБ†No:вБ†вЄїas I said above, my uncle Toby did feel them, and very sensibly too.
Pray, Sir, what said he?вБ†вАФHow did he behave?вБ†вАФO, Sir!вБ†вАФit was great: For as soon as my father had done insulting his Hobbyhorse,вБ†вЄїhe turned his head without the least emotion, from Dr.¬†Slop, to whom he was addressing his discourse, and looking up into my fatherвАЩs face, with a countenance spread over with so much good-nature;вБ†вЄЇвБ†so placid;вБ†вЄЇвБ†so fraternal;вБ†вЄЇвБ†so inexpressibly tender towards him:вБ†вАФit penetrated my father to his heart: He rose up hastily from his chair, and seizing hold of both my uncle TobyвАЩs hands as he spoke:вБ†вАФBrother Toby, said he,вБ†вАФI beg thy pardon;вБ†вЄЇвБ†forgive, I pray thee, this rash humour which my mother gave me.вБ†вЄЇвБ†My dear, dear brother, answered my uncle Toby, rising up by my fatherвАЩs help, say no more about it;вБ†вАФyou are heartily welcome, had it been ten times as much, brother. But вАЩtis ungenerous, replied my father, to hurt any man;вБ†вЄЇвБ†a brother worse;вБ†вЄЇвБ†but to hurt a brother of such gentle manners,вБ†вАФso unprovoking,вБ†вАФand so unresenting;вБ†вЄЇвАЩtis base:вБ†вЄЇвБ†By Heaven, вАЩtis cowardly.вБ†вАФYou are heartily welcome, brother, quoth my uncle Toby,вБ†вЄїhad it been fifty times as much.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Besides, what have I to do, my dear Toby, cried my father, either with your amusements or your pleasures, unless it was in my power (which it is not) to increase their measure?
вЄЇвБ†Brother Shandy, answered my uncle Toby, looking wistfully in his face,вБ†вЄЇвБ†you are much mistaken in this point:вБ†вАФfor you do increase my pleasure very much, in begetting children for the Shandy family at your time of life.вБ†вАФBut, by that, Sir, quoth Dr.¬†Slop, Mr.¬†Shandy increases his own.вБ†вАФNot a jot, quoth my father.