XXIII
I have a strong propensity in me to begin this chapter very nonsensically, and I will not baulk my fancy.вБ†вАФAccordingly I set off thus:
If the fixture of MomusвАЩs glass in the human breast, according to the proposed emendation of that arch-critick, had taken place,вБ†вЄЇвБ†first, This foolish consequence would certainly have followed,вБ†вАФThat the very wisest and very gravest of us all, in one coin or other, must have paid window-money every day of our lives.
And, secondly, That had the said glass been there set up, nothing more would have been wanting, in order to have taken a manвАЩs character, but to have taken a chair and gone softly, as you would to a dioptrical beehive, and lookвАЩd in,вБ†вАФviewвАЩd the soul stark naked;вБ†вАФobserved all her motions,вБ†вАФher machinations;вБ†вАФtraced all her maggots from their first engendering to their crawling forth;вБ†вАФwatched her loose in her frisks, her gambols, her capricios; and after some notice of her more solemn deportment, consequent upon such frisks, etc.вБ†вЄЇвБ†then taken your pen and ink and set down nothing but what you had seen, and could have sworn to:вБ†вАФBut this is an advantage not to be had by the biographer in this planet;вБ†вАФin the planet Mercury (belike) it may be so, if not better still for him;вБ†вЄЇвБ†for there the intense heat of the country, which is proved by computators, from its vicinity to the sun, to be more than equal to that of red-hot iron,вБ†вАФmust, I think, long ago have vitrified the bodies of the inhabitants, (as the efficient cause) to suit them for the climate (which is the final cause); so that betwixt them both, all the tenements of their souls, from top to bottom, may be nothing else, for aught the soundest philosophy can show to the contrary, but one fine transparent body of clear glass (bating the umbilical knot)вБ†вАФso that, till the inhabitants grow old and tolerably wrinkled, whereby the rays of light, in passing through them, become so monstrously refracted,вБ†вЄЇвБ†or return reflected from their surfaces in such transverse lines to the eye, that a man cannot be seen through;вБ†вАФhis soul might as well, unless for mere ceremony, or the trifling advantage which the umbilical point gave her,вБ†вАФmight, upon all other accounts, I say, as well play the fool out oвАЩdoors as in her own house.
But this, as I said above, is not the case of the inhabitants of this earth;вБ†вАФour minds shine not through the body, but are wrapt up here in a dark covering of uncrystalized flesh and blood; so that, if we would come to the specific characters of them, we must go some other way to work.
Many, in good truth, are the ways, which human wit has been forced to take, to do this thing with exactness.
Some, for instance, draw all their characters with wind-instruments.вБ†вАФVirgil takes notice of that way in the affair of Dido and Aeneas;вБ†вАФbut it is as fallacious as the breath of fame;вБ†вАФand, moreover, bespeaks a narrow genius. I am not ignorant that the Italians pretend to a mathematical exactness in their designations of one particular sort of character among them, from the forte or piano of a certain wind-instrument they use,вБ†вАФwhich they say is infallible.вБ†вАФI dare not mention the name of the instrument in this place;вБ†вАФвАЩtis sufficient we have it amongst us,вБ†вАФbut never think of making a drawing by it;вБ†вАФthis is √¶nigmatical, and intended to be so, at least ad populum:вБ†вАФAnd therefore, I beg, Madam, when you come here, that you read on as fast as you can, and never stop to make any inquiry about it.
There are others again, who will draw a manвАЩs character from no other helps in the world, but merely from his evacuations;вБ†вАФbut this often gives a very incorrect outline,вБ†вАФunless, indeed, you take a sketch of his repletions too; and by correcting one drawing from the other, compound one good figure out of them both.
I should have no objection to this method, but that I think it must smell too strong of the lamp,вБ†вАФand be renderвАЩd still more operose, by forcing you to have an eye to the rest of his Non-naturals.вБ†вЄЇвБ†Why the most natural actions of a manвАЩs life should be called his Non-naturals,вБ†вАФis another question.
There are others, fourthly, who disdain every one of these expedients;вБ†вАФnot from any fertility of their own, but from the various ways of doing it, which they have borrowed from the honourable devices which the Pentagraphic Brethren of the brush have shown in taking copies.вБ†вАФThese, you must know, are your great historians.
One of these you will see drawing a full-length character against the light;вБ†вАФthatвАЩs illiberal,вБ†вАФdishonest,вБ†вАФand hard upon the character of the man who sits.
Others, to mend the matter, will make a drawing of you in the Camera;вБ†вАФthat is most unfair of all,вБ†вАФbecause, there you are sure to be represented in some of your most ridiculous attitudes.
To avoid all and every one of these errors in giving you my uncle TobyвАЩs character, I am determined to draw it by no mechanical help whatever;вБ†вЄЇвБ†nor shall my pencil be guided by any one wind-instrument which ever was blown upon, either on this, or on the other side of the Alps;вБ†вАФnor will I consider either his repletions or his discharges,вБ†вАФor touch upon his Non-naturalsвБ†вАФbut, in a word, I will draw my uncle TobyвАЩs character from his Hobbyhorse.