XXVI
вЄЇвБ†See if he is not cutting it into slips, and giving them about him to light their pipes!вБ†вЄЇвАЩTis abominable, answered Didius; it should not go unnoticed, said doctor KysarciusвБ†вЄївШЮ he was of the Kysarcii of the Low Countries.
Methinks, said Didius, half rising from his chair, in order to remove a bottle and a tall decanter, which stood in a direct line betwixt him and YorickвБ†вЄЇвБ†you might have spared this sarcastic stroke, and have hit upon a more proper place, Mr.¬†YorickвБ†вАФor at least upon a more proper occasion to have shown your contempt of what we have been about: If the sermon is of no better worth than to light pipes withвБ†вЄЇвАЩtwas certainly, Sir, not good enough to be preached before so learned a body; and if вАЩtwas good enough to be preached before so learned a bodyвБ†вЄЇвАЩtwas certainly, Sir, too good to light their pipes with afterwards.
вЄЇвБ†I have got him fast hung up, quoth Didius to himself, upon one of the two horns of my dilemmaвБ†вЄЇвБ†let him get off as he can.
I have undergone such unspeakable torments, in bringing forth this sermon, quoth Yorick, upon this occasionвБ†вЄїthat I declare, Didius, I would suffer martyrdomвБ†вАФand if it was possible my horse with me, a thousand times over, before I would sit down and make such another: I was delivered of it at the wrong end of meвБ†вЄЇвБ†it came from my head instead of my heartвБ†вЄїand it is for the pain it gave me, both in the writing and preaching of it, that I revenge myself of it, in this mannerвБ†вАФTo preach, to show the extent of our reading, or the subtleties of our witвБ†вАФto parade in the eyes of the vulgar with the beggarly accounts of a little learning, tinselвАЩd over with a few words which glitter, but convey little light and less warmthвБ†вЄЇвБ†is a dishonest use of the poor single half hour in a week which is put into our handsвБ†вАФвАЩTis not preaching the gospelвБ†вАФbut ourselvesвБ†вЄЇвБ†For my own part, continued Yorick, I had rather direct five words point-blank to the heart.вБ†вАФ
As Yorick pronounced the word point-blank, my uncle Toby rose up to say something upon projectilesвБ†вЄЇвБ†when a single word and no more uttered from the opposite side of the table drew everyoneвАЩs ears towards itвБ†вАФa word of all others in the dictionary the last in that place to be expectedвБ†вАФa word I am ashamed to writeвБ†вАФyet must be writtenвБ†вЄЇвБ†must be readвБ†вАФillegalвБ†вАФuncanonicalвБ†вАФguess ten thousand guesses, multiplied into themselvesвБ†вАФrackвБ†вАФtorture your invention forever, youвАЩre where you wasвБ†вЄЇвЄЇвБ†In short, IвАЩll tell it in the next chapter.