VI
Though in one sense, our family was certainly a simple machine, as it consisted of a few wheels; yet there was thus much to be said for it, that these wheels were set in motion by so many different springs, and acted one upon the other from such a variety of strange principles and impulsesвБ†вЄЇвБ†that though it was a simple machine, it had all the honour and advantages of a complex one,вБ†вЄЇвБ†and a number of as odd movements within it, as ever were beheld in the inside of a Dutch silk-mill.
Amongst these there was one, I am going to speak of, in which, perhaps, it was not altogether so singular, as in many others; and it was this, that whatever motion, debate, harangue, dialogue, project, or dissertation, was going forwards in the parlour, there was generally another at the same time, and upon the same subject, running parallel along with it in the kitchen.
Now to bring this about, whenever an extraordinary message, or letter, was delivered in the parlourвБ†вАФor a discourse suspended till a servant went outвБ†вАФor the lines of discontent were observed to hang upon the brows of my father or motherвБ†вАФor, in short, when anything was supposed to be upon the tapis worth knowing or listening to, вАЩtwas the rule to leave the door, not absolutely shut, but somewhat ajarвБ†вАФas it stands just now,вБ†вАФwhich, under covert of the bad hinge (and that possibly might be one of the many reasons why it was never mended), it was not difficult to manage; by which means, in all these cases, a passage was generally left, not indeed as wide as the Dardanelles, but wide enough, for all that, to carry on as much of this windward trade, as was sufficient to save my father the trouble of governing his house;вБ†вАФmy mother at this moment stands profiting by it.вБ†вАФObadiah did the same thing, as soon as he had left the letter upon the table which brought the news of my brotherвАЩs death, so that before my father had well got over his surprise, and entered upon this harangue,вБ†вАФhad Trim got upon his legs, to speak his sentiments upon the subject.
A curious observer of nature, had he been worth the inventory of all JobвАЩs stockвБ†вАФthough by the by, your curious observers are seldom worth a groatвБ†вАФwould have given the half of it, to have heard Corporal Trim and my father, two orators so contrasted by nature and education, haranguing over the same bier.
My fatherвБ†вАФa man of deep readingвБ†вАФprompt memoryвБ†вАФwith Cato, and Seneca, and Epictetus, at his fingers ends.вБ†вАФ
The corporalвБ†вАФwith nothingвБ†вАФto rememberвБ†вАФof no deeper reading than his muster-rollвБ†вАФor greater names at his fingers end, than the contents of it.
The one proceeding from period to period, by metaphor and allusion, and striking the fancy as he went along (as men of wit and fancy do) with the entertainment and pleasantry of his pictures and images.
The other, without wit or antithesis, or point, or turn, this way or that; but leaving the images on one side, and the picture on the other, going straight forwards as nature could lead him, to the heart. O¬†Trim! would to heaven thou hadвАЩst a better historian!вБ†вАФwould thy historian had a better pair of breeches!вБ†вЄЇвБ†O ye critics! will nothing melt you?